It's that special time of year where we have holiday parties to attend. Before you collapse into a drunken pile of hair and shoes and whiskey smell after singing Boyz II Men with coworkers until the wee hours of the morning, you have to actually make conversation. Chat up the boss's wife! Thank the CEO for employing you another year!

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But what, pray tell, do you even talk about? It's so easy to give into temptation and start texting or tweeting. Don't do that. Just talk about any of these things instead:

1) Christmas travel plans

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2) Why in-flight Wi-fi sucks so much

3) Books you're reading

4) The Boeing 747

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5) The invention of the steam engine

6) The evolution of ship design

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7) Why you'll never go on a cruise

8) The sinking of the Titanic

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9) That time you caught bird flu

10) That time you went to Brazil

11) That time you went to Tijuana

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12) Weird tattoos

13) Is there such thing as too high a threadcount on bedsheets?

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14) Gmail

15) Hip hop producer drops

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16) The debt ceiling

17) Benjamin Franklin

18) Why powdered wigs went out of vogue

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19) Circumstances that might bring them back

20) Leather daddies

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21) Why people refer to assless chaps when no chaps have asses in the first place

22) Cowboys

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23) The American West

24) Manifest Destiny

25) The Gold Rush

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26) Goldmember

27) Goldfinger

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28) That Bond girl who supposedly died after being painted gold

29) Urban legends

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30) Dumb & Dumber 2

31) Movies you look forward to in 2014

32) Awards show season

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33) Ryan Seacrest's hair

34) Why Carson Daly is still famous

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35) White boy dreds and why we still accept them

36) Why most jeans rip in the crotch

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37) Where in the city to get cheap alterations

38) Yelpers

39) Glam Rock

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40) Plane crashes

41) Your most embarrassing moment

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42) Past arrests

43) Why Spotify makes it hard to find the songs with curse words

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44) Time's Person of the Year and how Rob Ford was robbed

45) Cool YouTube videos

46) How that "What does the Fox Say" video wasn't funny and people should shut up about it.

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47) Doge

48) Uncle Buck

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49) John Candy's untimely death

50) John Belushi's untimely death

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51) Marxism

52) Where to get a good taco

53) Pocket breathalyzers

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54) Risk behaviors and which ones are your favorites

55) The proper pronunciation of GIF being GIF

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56) That guy that survived being eaten by a Rhino

57) The Elvis impersonator who mailed ricin to the president

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58) The conclusion of Breaking Bad

59) Miley Cyrus

60) Craps

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61) Gambling

62) Holiday lights

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63) The new Corvette

64) Your experiences at summer camp

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65) The selfie as art

66) Art Basel

67) Miami: worst place on earth?

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68) RapGenius

69) How many times you've smashed your iPhone screen

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70) Facebook's IPO

71) Mark Zuckerberg's fashion choices

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72) Mark Zuckerberg

73) Snapchat

74) Instagram direct

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75) The best Instagram filter to make you look less fat

76) The year in dick pics

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77) Anthony weiner

78) Brett favre

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79) Rob Ford

80) How Rob Ford is still mayor of Toronto

81) What Rob Ford ate for dinner today

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82) What tie Rob Ford is wearing right now

83) How Rob Ford is the most anti-Canadian Canadian ever

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84) Canadian Independence

85) Maple Syrup

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86) Commonwealths

87) Australia: does it suck or not?

88) Drake's dad's Instagram account

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89) Dads

90) The weather

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91) The proliferation of Waffle House in the American Southeast

92) How Waffle House is superior to IHOP

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93) Competitive hopscotch

94) Double Dutch

95) Frogs

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96) Space Frog

97) The band Spacehog and its 1996 hit "In the Meantime"

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99) The year 1996

100) Your high school prom date

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101) Y2K

102) YKK

103) The rapper YG

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104) Zippers

105) Zipper manufacturers

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106) Bangladesh

107) Natural disasters

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108) Your outfit choice for the evening

109) Local food

110) Kyle Wagner's outfit choice for the evening

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111) Family heirlooms

112) Strange addictions

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113) 9/11 theories

114) Global warming

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115) The TV Show Alf

116) How Alf ate cats

117) Literally, cats

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118) Whether Harry and the Hendersons was superior to Alf

119) Turner and Hooch

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120) Tom Hanks' hair

121) Tom Hanks' facial hair

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122) Tom Hanks versus a bear

123) The shutdown of the Space Shuttle program

124) The movie Gravity

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125) Bears

126) Bears playing tetherball

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127) Bears playing basketball

128) Kanye West

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129) The artistic merits of the Yeezus tour

130) The return of Kanye West's fish sticks character on South Park

131) Manti Teo

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133) The 1990s-era Dallas Cowboys

134) Jerry Jones

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135) Plastic surgery

136) Types of wine

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137) Sushi

138) Feminism

139) Betty Friedan's Feminine Mystique

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140) All the books you didn't actually read in college

141) How most people lie when they say they've read Infinite Jest

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142) Beyonce's new secret album

143) Beyonce's inevitable presidential run

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144) Beyonce's month of veganism

145) Veganism: why?

146) Crossfit: why?

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147) The Paleo Diet: Why?

148) Train etiquette

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149) Concerts you attended this year

150) Ultrabooks

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151) 3D printing

152) The world's largest pizza

153) Irrational fears

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154) Cities you haven't visited

155) Why they should bring back the Concorde

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156) The cost of fuel

157) Future and Ciara's engagement

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158) Blood diamonds

159) Leonardo DiCaprio: why is he always squinting?

160) Gucci iPad cases

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161) Clown cars

162) How you took a semester of French your sophomore year of college for some reason

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163) The SEC Championship game

164) Navajo code talkers

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165) The BCS bowl picks

166) Hitler

167) Favorite holidays

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168) The end of the Auburn/Alabama game

169) What the hell is a War Eagle anyway?

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170) The ridiculousness of NCAA recruiting

171) Your New Years Resolutions

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172) Joint resolutions

173) Secession

174) The inevitable return of a McRib

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175) The Hunger Games

176) Twerking

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177) Da dip

178) Rick James

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179) Dave Chapelle as Rick James

180) The merits of David LaChapelle as a choreographer

181) Sensitivity training

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182) The best game of tag you ever played

183) Anchorman 2: why?

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184) Sequels: why?

185) Why you're *over* will ferrell

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186) The run in your hose

187) Gardening

188) Your hobbies

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189) The best episode of Seinfeld

190) Electric cars

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191) Steve Wozniak

192) Trinidad James

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193) Jamaican dance hall queens

194) Spring Breakers

195) The Maury Povich Show

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196) Yahoo!'s purchase of Tumblr

197) David Karp's drones

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198) Celebrities that look like potatoes

199) Root vegetables

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200) Urban farming

201) 1997 Oscar nominees

202) The Illuminati and why it's real

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203) Record labels

204) Carl Jung

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205) Your recurring dreams

206) Zombies

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207) Why you think mid-90s SNL was the best era of SNL

208) Mistletoe

209) Toe rings

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210) Public swimming pools as a breeding ground for disease

211) Will SARs come back

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212) Cures for cancer

213) Cures for hangovers

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214) Old wives' tales

215) Tall Tales

216) Jim Bowie

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217) David Bowie

218) Bowie knives

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219) Bows hunting

220) Duck hunting

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221) Rollercoasters

222) The Sims

223) Sim City

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224) Your first computer

225) Your first love

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226) OJ Simpson

227) Colored contacts

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228) The best SPF

229) Tom Brokaw

230) Brokeback Mountain

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231) The difference between a bowler hat and a pork pie hat

232) Porky's

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233) Weekend at Bernie's

234) The truffle shuffle

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235) Childhood memories of fear

236) How many times you've been in love

237) Agoraphobia

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238) Your favorite flavor of ice cream

239) Interoffice relationships

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240) Your parents

241) Why you have a real Christmas tree and not a fake one

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242) Douglas Firs

243) Frasier Firs

244) Balsam Firs

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245) Christmas tree farms

246) Christmas tree stands

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247) Plastics making things possible

248) Accidental inventions

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249) Post-it notes

250) Craft beer

251) Craft whiskey

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252) Crafts

253) Basketball season

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254) Tom Ford

255) Jay-Z

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256) Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

257) Opinions on gluten

258) Cat videos

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259) What does a Pantone taste like

260) Gaddafi's hat

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261) Famous hats in history

262) Why the liquor store by your house recently turned into a haberdasher

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263) The word haberdasher and its etymology

263) The legalization of marijuana in Colorado

264) Medicinal marijuana

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265) Countries where it's okay not to tip

266) Reality TV

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267) Why it's a shame the third season of Teen Mom was cancelled

268) But why the second season is more popular

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269) Flavor of Love: where are they now?

270) Flava Flav: where is he now

271) Beyonce, again

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273) Rob Ford, again

274) What you think Lil Jon is doing right this second

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275) What you think Fat Joe is doing right this second

276) What you think Twista is doing right this second

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277) Usher's appearance on sesame street to sing the alphabet

278) Songs that prominently feature the word yeah, including Yeah!

279) Bee keeping as a hobby

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280) Jerry Seinfeld's role in Bee Movie

281) Bea Arthur

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282) Chester Arthur

283) Arthur Miller

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284) Arthur Ashe

285) Tennis

286) Blackjack

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287) Stock photography

288) Childhood trauma

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289) Fruit baskets

290) How Edible Arrangements are a nice way of saying you dislike someone

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291) The proper way to fold a hospital corner

292) Ghosts: do they exist?

293) Teapartiers

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294) Bro coders

295) Fraternity parties

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296) John Waters

297) Famous character actors

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298) Sporks

299) Hare Krishnas

300) The prophet Muhammad

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301) Domesticated foxes

302) What a holllaback girl is

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303) Will Outkast reunite?

304) Hostile takeovers

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305) Wolf Blitzer

306) Sick burns

307) The Treaty of Paris 1763

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308) The Treaty of Paris 1783

309) Common household cleaning products

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310) The First Continental Congress

311) The Second Continental Congress

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312) The Berlin Conference

313) The fall of the Iron Curtain

314) Britney Spears' Las Vegas residency

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315) Musical theater

316) Goddard

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317) Waiting to Exhale

318) Who in the office you would want to keep around in a post-apocalyptic society

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319) Tabasco sauce or Sriracha?

320) How Survivor is still a show on TV

321) Types of caviar

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322) Thomas Edison

323) Zara work pants

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324) Rompers

325) How many Hard Rock Cafes there are in North America

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326) Marbury v. Madison

327) Cocktail weenies

328) Safe sex

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329) The name for the things on the end of your shoelaces

330) Katy Perry

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331) Rihanna's video for "Pour it Up"

332) Strippers

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334) 1950s Las Vegas

335) Chevy Chase

336) How Christmas Vacation is the best of the Vacation canon

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337) Baseball

338) Staph infections

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339) Which National Parks you've visited

340) Cultural determinism

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341) Your last breakup

342) How long you can hold your breath

343) FDR's fireside chats

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344) Homelessness

345) The singularity

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346) 3D movies

347) What it sounds like if you play "Stairway to Heaven" backwards

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348) Duck penises

349) Who would win in a fight: Paul Ryan or Joe Biden?

350) Your first car

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351) Time travel

352) House music

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353) The fall of the Berlin wall

354) How to make a simple shank from a spoon

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355) How to master the Tootsie Roll

356) How to master the Roger Rabbit

357) Bronies

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358) Types of Swiss cheese

359) The Big Bang

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360) Zack Morris's brick phone

361) Your SAT score

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362) The lost colony of Roanoke

Image credit: Shutterstock/MJTH