It's that special time of year where we have holiday parties to attend. Before you collapse into a drunken pile of hair and shoes and whiskey smell after singing Boyz II Men with coworkers until the wee hours of the morning, you have to actually make conversation. Chat up the boss's wife! Thank the CEO for employing you another year!

But what, pray tell, do you even talk about? It's so easy to give into temptation and start texting or tweeting. Don't do that. Just talk about any of these things instead:

1) Christmas travel plans

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2) Why in-flight Wi-fi sucks so much

3) Books you're reading

4) The Boeing 747

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5) The invention of the steam engine

6) The evolution of ship design

7) Why you'll never go on a cruise

8) The sinking of the Titanic

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9) That time you caught bird flu

10) That time you went to Brazil

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11) That time you went to Tijuana

12) Weird tattoos

13) Is there such thing as too high a threadcount on bedsheets?

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14) Gmail

15) Hip hop producer drops

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16) The debt ceiling

17) Benjamin Franklin

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18) Why powdered wigs went out of vogue

19) Circumstances that might bring them back

20) Leather daddies

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21) Why people refer to assless chaps when no chaps have asses in the first place

22) Cowboys

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23) The American West

24) Manifest Destiny

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25) The Gold Rush

26) Goldmember

27) Goldfinger

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28) That Bond girl who supposedly died after being painted gold

29) Urban legends

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30) Dumb & Dumber 2

31) Movies you look forward to in 2014

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32) Awards show season

33) Ryan Seacrest's hair

34) Why Carson Daly is still famous

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35) White boy dreds and why we still accept them

36) Why most jeans rip in the crotch

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37) Where in the city to get cheap alterations

38) Yelpers

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39) Glam Rock

40) Plane crashes

41) Your most embarrassing moment

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42) Past arrests

43) Why Spotify makes it hard to find the songs with curse words

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44) Time's Person of the Year and how Rob Ford was robbed

45) Cool YouTube videos

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46) How that "What does the Fox Say" video wasn't funny and people should shut up about it.

47) Doge

48) Uncle Buck

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49) John Candy's untimely death

50) John Belushi's untimely death

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51) Marxism

52) Where to get a good taco

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53) Pocket breathalyzers

54) Risk behaviors and which ones are your favorites

55) The proper pronunciation of GIF being GIF

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56) That guy that survived being eaten by a Rhino

57) The Elvis impersonator who mailed ricin to the president

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58) The conclusion of Breaking Bad

59) Miley Cyrus

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60) Craps

61) Gambling

62) Holiday lights

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63) The new Corvette

64) Your experiences at summer camp

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65) The selfie as art

66) Art Basel

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67) Miami: worst place on earth?

68) RapGenius

69) How many times you've smashed your iPhone screen

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70) Facebook's IPO

71) Mark Zuckerberg's fashion choices

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72) Mark Zuckerberg

73) Snapchat

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74) Instagram direct

75) The best Instagram filter to make you look less fat

76) The year in dick pics

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77) Anthony weiner

78) Brett favre

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79) Rob Ford

80) How Rob Ford is still mayor of Toronto

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81) What Rob Ford ate for dinner today

82) What tie Rob Ford is wearing right now

83) How Rob Ford is the most anti-Canadian Canadian ever

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84) Canadian Independence

85) Maple Syrup

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86) Commonwealths

87) Australia: does it suck or not?

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88) Drake's dad's Instagram account

89) Dads

90) The weather

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91) The proliferation of Waffle House in the American Southeast

92) How Waffle House is superior to IHOP

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93) Competitive hopscotch

94) Double Dutch

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95) Frogs

96) Space Frog

97) The band Spacehog and its 1996 hit "In the Meantime"

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99) The year 1996

100) Your high school prom date

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101) Y2K

102) YKK

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103) The rapper YG

104) Zippers

105) Zipper manufacturers

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106) Bangladesh

107) Natural disasters

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108) Your outfit choice for the evening

109) Local food

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110) Kyle Wagner's outfit choice for the evening

111) Family heirlooms

112) Strange addictions

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113) 9/11 theories

114) Global warming

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115) The TV Show Alf

116) How Alf ate cats

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117) Literally, cats

118) Whether Harry and the Hendersons was superior to Alf

119) Turner and Hooch

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120) Tom Hanks' hair

121) Tom Hanks' facial hair

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122) Tom Hanks versus a bear

123) The shutdown of the Space Shuttle program

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124) The movie Gravity

125) Bears

126) Bears playing tetherball

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127) Bears playing basketball

128) Kanye West

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129) The artistic merits of the Yeezus tour

130) The return of Kanye West's fish sticks character on South Park

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131) Manti Teo

133) The 1990s-era Dallas Cowboys

134) Jerry Jones

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135) Plastic surgery

136) Types of wine

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137) Sushi

138) Feminism

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139) Betty Friedan's Feminine Mystique

140) All the books you didn't actually read in college

141) How most people lie when they say they've read Infinite Jest

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142) Beyonce's new secret album

143) Beyonce's inevitable presidential run

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144) Beyonce's month of veganism

145) Veganism: why?

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146) Crossfit: why?

147) The Paleo Diet: Why?

148) Train etiquette

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149) Concerts you attended this year

150) Ultrabooks

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151) 3D printing

152) The world's largest pizza

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153) Irrational fears

154) Cities you haven't visited

155) Why they should bring back the Concorde

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156) The cost of fuel

157) Future and Ciara's engagement

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158) Blood diamonds

159) Leonardo DiCaprio: why is he always squinting?

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160) Gucci iPad cases

161) Clown cars

162) How you took a semester of French your sophomore year of college for some reason

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163) The SEC Championship game

164) Navajo code talkers

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165) The BCS bowl picks

166) Hitler

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167) Favorite holidays

168) The end of the Auburn/Alabama game

169) What the hell is a War Eagle anyway?

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170) The ridiculousness of NCAA recruiting

171) Your New Years Resolutions

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172) Joint resolutions

173) Secession

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174) The inevitable return of a McRib

175) The Hunger Games

176) Twerking

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177) Da dip

178) Rick James

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179) Dave Chapelle as Rick James

180) The merits of David LaChapelle as a choreographer

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181) Sensitivity training

182) The best game of tag you ever played

183) Anchorman 2: why?

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184) Sequels: why?

185) Why you're *over* will ferrell

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186) The run in your hose

187) Gardening

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188) Your hobbies

189) The best episode of Seinfeld

190) Electric cars

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191) Steve Wozniak

192) Trinidad James

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193) Jamaican dance hall queens

194) Spring Breakers

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195) The Maury Povich Show

196) Yahoo!'s purchase of Tumblr

197) David Karp's drones

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198) Celebrities that look like potatoes

199) Root vegetables

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200) Urban farming

201) 1997 Oscar nominees

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202) The Illuminati and why it's real

203) Record labels

204) Carl Jung

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205) Your recurring dreams

206) Zombies

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207) Why you think mid-90s SNL was the best era of SNL

208) Mistletoe

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209) Toe rings

210) Public swimming pools as a breeding ground for disease

211) Will SARs come back

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212) Cures for cancer

213) Cures for hangovers

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214) Old wives' tales

215) Tall Tales

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216) Jim Bowie

217) David Bowie

218) Bowie knives

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219) Bows hunting

220) Duck hunting

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221) Rollercoasters

222) The Sims

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223) Sim City

224) Your first computer

225) Your first love

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226) OJ Simpson

227) Colored contacts

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228) The best SPF

229) Tom Brokaw

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230) Brokeback Mountain

231) The difference between a bowler hat and a pork pie hat

232) Porky's

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233) Weekend at Bernie's

234) The truffle shuffle

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235) Childhood memories of fear

236) How many times you've been in love

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237) Agoraphobia

238) Your favorite flavor of ice cream

239) Interoffice relationships

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240) Your parents

241) Why you have a real Christmas tree and not a fake one

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242) Douglas Firs

243) Frasier Firs

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244) Balsam Firs

245) Christmas tree farms

246) Christmas tree stands

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247) Plastics making things possible

248) Accidental inventions

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249) Post-it notes

250) Craft beer

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251) Craft whiskey

252) Crafts

253) Basketball season

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254) Tom Ford

255) Jay-Z

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256) Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

257) Opinions on gluten

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258) Cat videos

259) What does a Pantone taste like

260) Gaddafi's hat

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261) Famous hats in history

262) Why the liquor store by your house recently turned into a haberdasher

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263) The word haberdasher and its etymology

263) The legalization of marijuana in Colorado

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264) Medicinal marijuana

265) Countries where it's okay not to tip

266) Reality TV

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267) Why it's a shame the third season of Teen Mom was cancelled

268) But why the second season is more popular

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269) Flavor of Love: where are they now?

270) Flava Flav: where is he now

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271) Beyonce, again

273) Rob Ford, again

274) What you think Lil Jon is doing right this second

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275) What you think Fat Joe is doing right this second

276) What you think Twista is doing right this second

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277) Usher's appearance on sesame street to sing the alphabet

278) Songs that prominently feature the word yeah, including Yeah!

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279) Bee keeping as a hobby

280) Jerry Seinfeld's role in Bee Movie

281) Bea Arthur

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282) Chester Arthur

283) Arthur Miller

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284) Arthur Ashe

285) Tennis

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286) Blackjack

287) Stock photography

288) Childhood trauma

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289) Fruit baskets

290) How Edible Arrangements are a nice way of saying you dislike someone

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291) The proper way to fold a hospital corner

292) Ghosts: do they exist?

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293) Teapartiers

294) Bro coders

295) Fraternity parties

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296) John Waters

297) Famous character actors

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298) Sporks

299) Hare Krishnas

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300) The prophet Muhammad

301) Domesticated foxes

302) What a holllaback girl is

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303) Will Outkast reunite?

304) Hostile takeovers

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305) Wolf Blitzer

306) Sick burns

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307) The Treaty of Paris 1763

308) The Treaty of Paris 1783

309) Common household cleaning products

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310) The First Continental Congress

311) The Second Continental Congress

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312) The Berlin Conference

313) The fall of the Iron Curtain

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314) Britney Spears' Las Vegas residency

315) Musical theater

316) Goddard

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317) Waiting to Exhale

318) Who in the office you would want to keep around in a post-apocalyptic society

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319) Tabasco sauce or Sriracha?

320) How Survivor is still a show on TV

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321) Types of caviar

322) Thomas Edison

323) Zara work pants

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324) Rompers

325) How many Hard Rock Cafes there are in North America

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326) Marbury v. Madison

327) Cocktail weenies

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328) Safe sex

329) The name for the things on the end of your shoelaces

330) Katy Perry

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331) Rihanna's video for "Pour it Up"

332) Strippers

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334) 1950s Las Vegas

335) Chevy Chase

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336) How Christmas Vacation is the best of the Vacation canon

337) Baseball

338) Staph infections

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339) Which National Parks you've visited

340) Cultural determinism

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341) Your last breakup

342) How long you can hold your breath

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343) FDR's fireside chats

344) Homelessness

345) The singularity

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346) 3D movies

347) What it sounds like if you play "Stairway to Heaven" backwards

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348) Duck penises

349) Who would win in a fight: Paul Ryan or Joe Biden?

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350) Your first car

351) Time travel

352) House music

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353) The fall of the Berlin wall

354) How to make a simple shank from a spoon

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355) How to master the Tootsie Roll

356) How to master the Roger Rabbit

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357) Bronies

358) Types of Swiss cheese

359) The Big Bang

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360) Zack Morris's brick phone

361) Your SAT score

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362) The lost colony of Roanoke

Image credit: Shutterstock/MJTH