As happens every December, the internet's spent the past month basking in the warm glow of nostalgia, and at long last, our illustrious friends over at PornHub have joined the year-in-review bandwagon. And what did these intrepid naked number crunchers discover?
Perhaps the least surprising bit of knowledge to come from this fresh load of data is the fact that, during the coldest months, people prefer to stay indoors and keep themselves warm the only way they know how. (By masturbating. I'm talking about masturbating.) It's also refreshing to see that, if not just for the warm summer months, people have apparently not yet forgotten that there is such a thing as "outside."
The most interesting revelation appears to be that Thursday has become the worst day for special sexy alone time. We welcome your theories down below.
And in what's sure to bring a tear to any patriot's eye, America is still number one when it comes to the duration of each individual visit to pornland. We did it, you guys—USA!
But within the US, not every state is built to last—unless you're in the South, that is. Because nearly every state in the top five hails from below the Mason-Dixon line. Northeasterners, you've got some catching up to do.
Fascinatingly, nearly half of Pornhub's clientele is getting its filthy movie fix on-the-go. And tablets are only making for a small percent of that; 40 percent of all porn watching was done on a smartphone. Are people simply trying to be discrete? Are people using their bathroom breaks at work to kill two birds, so to speak? We'd rather not know.
But we are still human, and man cannot live on porn alone. Especially when the Walking Dead is on, apparently, because Pornhub saw a six percent decrease in traffic the night the finale aired. Makes sense; it's hard to feel self-sexy when zombie deaths are going down just a few feet away.