Three New Ways to Open Up a Can of Whoop-Ass

Always looking for new ways to kill or maim people, the Defense Department has come up with a new vehicle that packs a three-way punch. Project Sheriff is now reportedly beyond the concept stage and on its way to Iraq, according to Inside Defense. In addition a variety of regular guns, it has a special package of non-lethal put-the-hurt-on-you gadgets that will be mounted on special $10.1 million military vehicles such as the one pictured here. The first thing this monster does is make tremendous noises with a Sonic Blaster that will hurt the ears of anyone nearby, hopefully scaring them away. Then, soldiers inside can break out the Laser Dazzler, searching for a telltale laser scope from snipers who might be hiding in the neighborhood. If all that racket and the laser light show doesn't work, then the ominously-named pain ray comes out to play, which is akin to a microwave that penetrates a 64th of an inch beneath the skin, causing excruciating pain. That's gotta hurt. If you're still resisting these guys at that point, well, sounds like they'll just open up a can of whoop-ass on you, filling the air with lead. I think by then, they ve figured that you're not an innocent bystander. If the army ultimately rejects this new sci-fi weapon, look for it to be rented out at S&M parties all over New York.

Pain Ray, Sonic Blaster, Laser Dazzler - All In One [DefenseTech]