If you're prepping for a schlep down the L.I.E. tonight, here's last weekend's Hamptons report from our party-crasher Briyah. Our forecast for this weekend: more of the same, 50% chance of models, greatly reduced chance of barbecuing and drink-throwing.

I was originally asked to write about how to get a summer share and slum it in the Hamptons without wanting to kill yourself and everyone else. However, since I was crashing at one of those rich people's houses, I figure I better tell you about spying on the other half.

On Saturday night, everyone went to the opening of Dragon Bar on North Sea Road, the same strip that nightclub Jet East is on. Oddly enough, there were many identically young, beautiful and scantily-clad ladies trying to get in. Our tip: speak with John, the owner, in advance for easier access — we didn t even get ID d. At 11:30 there was already a crowd inside. The supermodel/"Las Vegas" actress Molly Sims was sitting at a table with her long arms around her boyfriend. Her limo driver was waiting in line for the bathroom and asked me if I d like to join him. I politely refused. I am a lady after all.

There were also a ton of models — shocker. There was one really hot one named Ingrid and I told her she was a good dancer and she gave me a kiss on the cheek. Patrick McMullan, the ever-lasting party photographer, was there at the beginning of the night and on a whim, I decided to introduce myself. He was clearly having a conversation and I just stood nearby like an awkward admirer, which in fact I was. He totally brushed me off and I didn t see him at all after that.

Old school music — Madonna, circa Immaculate Collection — was playing, which, for some reason, got everybody on their feet. Calvin Klein s castle/estate was being renovated and I m not sure if he was actually there. My friend Marcy and I wandered up to investigate. As if in a movie, a man in a black suit came out the door and yelled, This is private property! No trespassing! So we bailed. I wonder if he was wearing a Calvin Klein suit.