Jetlagged? Turn Into a Zombie

Researchers have discovered that half of the world's population is chronically jetlagged. Out of sync with daylight cycles, their circadian rhythms have dangerously slowed down their metabolic processes, making them feel as if they've just stepped from a trans-Pacific flight. Scientists from the Aguadeculo Institute of Metaphysical Research have concluded that the 50% of the living population that's been feeling so out-of-sync should consider turning into a zombie.

Studies have shown that wandering around in a daze being undead and not quite alive is much more energy-efficient condition than jetlag. Test subjects were comfortable with their new "lives" as zombies, making moaning noises; small, controlled movements; and following a Roomba-like weave that guaranteed the most area stalked utilizing the least amount of motility.

The researchers added that darkness-craving zombies are no less efficient in the cold, so long as they are prevented from being frozen solid. (Perfect for long-distance transport of the damned worker drones.)

Research: People in a Permanent State of Jet-Lag [Impact Lab]