As fidget spinners make a career jump from anxiety reduction bauble to postmodern sex toy, one guy has us all beat.
Back in January, no one even knew what a fidget spinner was. By March, they were being sold in every convenience store. We debated whether they were a harmless toy, or a virulent new strain of pseudoscience. We snagged photos of Barron Trump playing with one.
And then, like every trend before it, genitalia got involved.
The first foray into sexualized fidget spinners I can recall was the above image, depicting the lower two lobes of the ball bearing-based toy as a bethonged ass. Soon after, we got a fidget spinner butt plug.
This weekend saw the release of a fidget spinner-based dating simulator, which is bizarre, but considering the gaming genre also has entries for dating anime horse men and anthropomorphic tank women, it’s not totally out of place.
One guy in Florida, however, managed to outpace us all. He goes by BearKat. And he is, to the best of our knowledge, the first person to film himself balancing a fidget spinner on his own penis. After a few false starts, we finally managed to contact him to discuss his soon-to-be iconic footage.
“The fidget spinning on my cock was just a random moment. I was naked scrolling Tumblr and spinning my fidget in my hand. I came across a video that got me hard and then it just happened,” he told Gizmodo over email. “It took me three tries and then I said I need to record this for my Tumblr followers. After that I read about people searching for fidgets on Pornhub and shared it there as well.”
Although the 34-year-old describes himself as an exhibitionist, he also wrote that “it took me a long time to become comfortable with my body but I’m in a great place in my life and love to share myself and adventures with the world. It really makes me happy getting messages that I made someone smile or feel good about themselves.” He also mentioned that he’s open to working in pornography—if anyone reading this is hiring.
But enough fucking around. Have you ever wanted to see a fidget spinner whirling on the tip of a man’s erect penis? If not, we advise you to scroll no further.
WARNING: EXTREMELY NSFW VIDEO BELOW
If you want a vision of the future, imagine a Babadook strap-on pegging a covfefe cock ring—forever.