Fellow gadget journalists at CNET, PC World, Infosync, and PC Magazine have all had private time with Samsung and Verizon's smoking hot 3.2-megapixel camphone. But why slog through 15,000 words of trade publication text? We've ripped out the heart and soul of each, and patched them together into a relevant — but undead — Team Gizmodo Frankenreview. As a bonus, we've even reviewed the reviewers! Quick, into the jump-cave!

Our four headed reviewer says:
-"The SCH-a990 is about the size of a two Motorola Razrs stacked together."
-"Its 3.2-megapixel resolution yields up to 2048-by-1536-pixel images"
-"The 3MP camera works as a business-card scanner too."
-Camcorder mode captures a somewhat impressive "320x240 and 176x144" res.
-"The camera's 1- to 2-second shutter lag was frustrating."
-The phone's screens look good, including "a sizable 1.25-inch, external TFT OLED that shows the time and date, network strength, battery life, and photo caller ID...inside the 2.2-inch screen boasts 262,144 hues and a sharp 240x320-pixel resolution."
-"Music playback through the phone's speakers left much to be desired as songs sounded tinny, but audio quality improved when we plugged in Verizon's [uncomfortable] headset."
-Reception was fair, but the indicator didn't work reliably: "This phone has the most inaccurate reception gauge I've ever seen. One bar! Two bars! Four bars!"
-Fair enough, the "Samsung's noise-cancellation easily silenced a nearby jackhammer."
-"I worry a little about the battery life, though: Four hours..."
-"Using a $30 USB cable purchased from Verizon, I synced WMA and converted MP3 files onto the phone from a Microsoft Windows XP machine running Windows Media Player 10. (The phone doesn't play MP3s natively, only WMA files.)"
-"There's no Web browsing and no e-mail, though there is a WAP browser and text/picture messaging, of course. You can use the phone as a USB modem for your laptop on Verizon's high-speed EV-DO network for $60 per month over the price of your voice plan."