Franken(P)review: Attack of the iClones

It's like that episode of Beverly Hills 90210 when Brenda and Kelly both say they hate that black dress with the big white bow on it, but then they each show up to the dance wearing the thing. And then they had a pillowfight in nothing but their hot pink scrunchies to battle for my love. Yeah...

Some people call them iPhone clones, others call them showing up in the same touchscreen. Whoever started developing first doesn't matter anymore; we just want to know which sexy iPhonish smartphone deserves our children's "college fund" the most. Hit the jump for our Frankenpreview of the different "iPhone clones" coming to the market, and see how they stack up against the Vision of Apple.



iSoftPhone
Price: $100

Franken(P)review: Attack of the iClones

What??
It's not actually a phone. It's VoIP software that just looks like a phone.
But!
Hold your Macbook up to your ear, and that hipster chick eyeing you up at Panera will never know the difference.

Neonode N2
Price: N/A

Franken(P)review: Attack of the iClones

2-inch 176 x 220 display
2 Megapixel camera
GSM Quadband
GPRS
Mini-SD slot
OS: Proprietary

What? ?
The N2 uses a innovative, but non-intuitive gesture interface. But its bigger problem is its limited data capability since it lacks newer, speedier transmission standards. And without WiFi as backup, there is a limit to just how "smart" this phone can be.
But!
It's only half the length of the iPhone and weighs just a little under 2 Nanos (about half the weight of the iPhone). You have to appreciate the aggressively small form factor coupled with an interface that, at the very least, confronts the issue of impossibly small buttons.

Teclast T59

Price: N/A

Franken(P)review: Attack of the iClones


3.5-inch display (VGA)
3G
Wi-Fi & GPS
OS: Windows CE

What? ?
The T59 is 100% concept renderings at this point. As far as we can tell, they haven't even built a mock-up for beautiful models to pretend to be talking to us on yet. So until we see it...let's just say we've been hurt before, ok?
But!
The largest model (as in product, not the hot model mentioned above) is said to hold a massive 16GB of music and videos, which is double that of Apple's phone and bigger than any company's options on this list. But more importantly, it sports an FM radio!

Franken(P)review: Attack of the iClones

LG Prada
Price: $778

Specs:
3.0-inch display, 240 x 400
GSM Quadband
EDGE data
2 megapixel camera
microSD
OS: Proprietary

What??
The Prada lacks both WiFi and built-in storage—considering the hefty price tag (you are charging even more than Apple, LG), these features will be more than missed. Plus, Europe and Asia get the Prada first while we convince ourselves that the pink Razr is still all the rage.
But!
The Prada is a bit smaller than the iPhone, can't be worse than the Chocolate and...it's not the iPhone—as they made clear. And Apple has become so bourgeois...

Meizu M8/MiniOne
Price: N/A

Franken(P)review: Attack of the iClones


3.3-inch VGA touchscreen
GSM and TD-SCDMA
3MP camera (back), .3MP camera (front)
TV-Out
OS: Windows CE 6.0

What??
This product is the real deal knock-off, actually changing their design post-iPhone announcement. Consider the MiniOne the technological equivalent to breast implants. Sure they look may look good, but do they really offer the same user experience? (That question isn't rhetorical, btw).
But!
720x480 video playback at 30fps might mean we'll actually use the Meizu for porn daily tasks, especially with its TV-out option. Maybe the more important aspect of PMPs is less regarding the 3-inch screen clarity, and more about the device's ability to interact with home theater equipment—wherever you may be.

However, the long and short of it is that most of these Apple alternatives won't see American releases soon, if at all. So even though it may seem like the market has flooded abruptly with thousands of magical touchscreen phones, the choice may (unfortunately) be easier than you'd think.