I'm writing this from under the sofa. Because they're watching me, you know. The Feds. They are - I can feel it in my toenails, which haven't stopped tingling all day. And until I finish knitting my tinfoil bikini and matching peek-a-boo balaclava, I'm not leaving my hiding place. It might be different if I had $350, then I could afford this box of tricks from MicroVideoX, which can tell me just how the Bureau is doing its dirty work. It can detect wireless video surveillance, laser audio, voice and internet phone taps and it's even got a GPS tracking unit. But to tell you the truth, I get more pleasure from the bikini.