My first reaction to this was, "Ah, turquoise eye shadow—that's so Yetro*. And she's been brave enough to team it with a tangerine leisure top—truly, this woman should be working for Lindsay Lohan as a stylist, not as 'Lindsay Lohan' in a look-alikes agency."
And then the industrial-grade LSD wore off and slowly, through the haze of Tuesday-morning reality, I realized that something had to be done about the Feel Bright Light Sun Visor. Here's why.
You have Seasonal Affective Disorder. You feel low, you feel depressed. So you go to the Hollywood Gadget online store and you order yourself the sunvisor with built-in photosynthetic light to cheer yourself up. It costs you $199.95 and gives you 30 minutes of light therapy each time you use it. It makes you feel good. It makes you feel so good that you decide to wear it when you're out and about, on the streets, in the workplace, walking the dog, even on a date.
Gradually, however, you notice that wherever you go you hear the faint sound of sniggering. Your ears ring with the mocking echo of strangers, and the air is thick with their cruel, near-silent taunts. People are laughing at you for a plethora of reasons. Perhaps it is the tangerine leisure top you bought in sartorial homage to the girl in the Light Therapy ads that is the butt of their mirth. It may have something to do with the fact that your dog is wearing one too. And did you not bring one along for your date to wear at Taco Bell last week? Perhaps they really do think that you are Lindsay Lohan, not just 'Lindsay Lohan'.
But let's be honest with ourselves, shall we? They are laughing at you wearing your Feel Bright Light headgear. Whoever thought this one up, well, buddy, I give you full marks for inventiveness, but that's as far as it goes. It may go far in the battle against insomnia, jet lag, shift-change fatigue and winter blues, but anyone who wears this is an instant loser in the style stakes. And we won't even mention sanity, will we?
*So uncool it will never be retro