I Am An iPhone Expert

Dear Editor/Producer: My name is [INSERT NAME HERE]. I have worked in the [INSERT INDUSTRY HERE] industry for [INSERT NUMBER > 5] years. As you may know, the arrival of Apple's game-changing iPhone is imminent. Although I have never touched an iPhone in my life, I would be happy to offer my own regurgitation of widely known facts expert commentary and wild speculation insight on subjects such as:

• The iPhone's ability to transform into a car and a battle-ready robot
• The iPhone's impact on the illegal trafficking of ivory in Africa and parts of Asia
• The proper way to recycle an iPhone to minimize waste and/or carbon footprint
• How I feel about, you know, anything and everything

If you are interested in an interview for your publication, call me, fax me, e-mail me. I'm actually in your driveway right now. If you have a videocamera, I'll even shave. My balls.

With love,

iPhone Expert X

Our Continuing Coverage of iPhone [Gizmodo]