Crazy-Assed Idea to Shoot People with Drug-Filled Paintballs

Our Dear Leaders are always looking for new ways of quelling unrest in nonviolent—at least, notoverly violent—ways. (Let's face it, smacking someone over the head with a truncheon, and causing the blood to flow doesn't look great on news bulletins, does it?) The latest idea emanating from the Pentagon, according to a report by the Bradford Non-Lethal Weapons Research Project, is psychotropic paintballs. Bring 'em on!

Believe it or not, the idea came from skin-administered drugs, such as nicotine patches. A first attempt using a felt pad soaked in "calmative" (their word not mine) fired from a rifle was ditched when it was discovered that thick clothing acted as a shield. Then some Pentagon clown (who'd probably just come back from a bachelor weekend) came up with the whole paintball idea.

The report doesn't just stop at drug administration via modified leisure activities—oh, no. Perhaps taking a leaf out of Saddam Hussein's book, one of the proposals involves a drone aircraft spraying clouds of non-lethal substances (laughing gas? itching powder? sexy laydee pheromones?) at crowds in order to disperse them. I've got a better idea. Legalize weed, guys, it'll be cheaper. [Wired via Sci-Fi Tech]