Star Trek Enterprise Phone

That's right, you actually use the USS Enterprise as a handset—not a communicator or a phaser like a non-crazy product designer would have you use. And for $98, you get a William Shatner signature, a numbered certificate, a ringer that sounds like the Red Alert noise, and even redial and mute buttons. Much like the Star Trek Chandelier, you should give up any hope of further human (not to mention female) companionship if you purchase one. Take it from us; it's not as fun as it sounds. [Novelty Phones via Crave]