Girls and boys, Christmas-is-a-coming and you need gift ideas pronto. Socks, hand knitted jumpers and CDs just don't cut it, but how about a gift voucher? May we suggest, a gift voucher that entitles the recipient to private jet travel, which costs only $5 million!
If daddy is feeling in a particularly giving mood this festive season, you may be unwrapping a pass to Halcyon's on-demand private charter service, but daddy is going to have to be richer and more stupid than your average rich and stupid person (Paris Hilton.) The gift card, titled the Holiday Dream Card, may be used for one-way trips, e.g. for escaping to Rio with all the drug money; round trips, e.g. flying yourself back once you are busted, (beats taking con air); or alternatively, it can be used to show off, which would prove the recipient is the big dawg, but is probably trying to compensate for a tiny twinkle in the willy department—hey, we have to make ourselves feel better somehow. Oh wait, that is a tiny twinkle in my willy department. If only I had Halcyon's Holiday Dream card to compensate. Santa, please? [Bornrich]