It's that special time of year where we have holiday parties to attend. Before you collapse into a drunken pile of hair and shoes and whiskey smell after singing Boyz II Men with coworkers until the wee hours of the morning, you have to actually make conversation. Chat up the boss's wife! Thank the CEO for employing you another year!

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But what, pray tell, do you even talk about? It's so easy to give into temptation and start texting or tweeting. Don't do that. Just talk about any of these things instead:

1) Christmas travel plans

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2) Why in-flight Wi-fi sucks so much

3) Books you're reading

4) The Boeing 747

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5) The invention of the steam engine

6) The evolution of ship design

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7) Why you'll never go on a cruise

8) The sinking of the Titanic

9) That time you caught bird flu

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10) That time you went to Brazil

11) That time you went to Tijuana

12) Weird tattoos

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13) Is there such thing as too high a threadcount on bedsheets?

14) Gmail

15) Hip hop producer drops

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16) The debt ceiling

17) Benjamin Franklin

18) Why powdered wigs went out of vogue

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19) Circumstances that might bring them back

20) Leather daddies

21) Why people refer to assless chaps when no chaps have asses in the first place

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22) Cowboys

23) The American West

24) Manifest Destiny

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25) The Gold Rush

26) Goldmember

27) Goldfinger

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28) That Bond girl who supposedly died after being painted gold

29) Urban legends

30) Dumb & Dumber 2

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31) Movies you look forward to in 2014

32) Awards show season

33) Ryan Seacrest's hair

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34) Why Carson Daly is still famous

35) White boy dreds and why we still accept them

36) Why most jeans rip in the crotch

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37) Where in the city to get cheap alterations

38) Yelpers

39) Glam Rock

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40) Plane crashes

41) Your most embarrassing moment

42) Past arrests

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43) Why Spotify makes it hard to find the songs with curse words

44) Time's Person of the Year and how Rob Ford was robbed

45) Cool YouTube videos

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46) How that "What does the Fox Say" video wasn't funny and people should shut up about it.

47) Doge

48) Uncle Buck

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49) John Candy's untimely death

50) John Belushi's untimely death

51) Marxism

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52) Where to get a good taco

53) Pocket breathalyzers

54) Risk behaviors and which ones are your favorites

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55) The proper pronunciation of GIF being GIF

56) That guy that survived being eaten by a Rhino

57) The Elvis impersonator who mailed ricin to the president

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58) The conclusion of Breaking Bad

59) Miley Cyrus

60) Craps

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61) Gambling

62) Holiday lights

63) The new Corvette

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64) Your experiences at summer camp

65) The selfie as art

66) Art Basel

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67) Miami: worst place on earth?

68) RapGenius

69) How many times you've smashed your iPhone screen

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70) Facebook's IPO

71) Mark Zuckerberg's fashion choices

72) Mark Zuckerberg

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73) Snapchat

74) Instagram direct

75) The best Instagram filter to make you look less fat

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76) The year in dick pics

77) Anthony weiner

78) Brett favre

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79) Rob Ford

80) How Rob Ford is still mayor of Toronto

81) What Rob Ford ate for dinner today

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82) What tie Rob Ford is wearing right now

83) How Rob Ford is the most anti-Canadian Canadian ever

84) Canadian Independence

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85) Maple Syrup

86) Commonwealths

87) Australia: does it suck or not?

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88) Drake's dad's Instagram account

89) Dads

90) The weather

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91) The proliferation of Waffle House in the American Southeast

92) How Waffle House is superior to IHOP

93) Competitive hopscotch

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94) Double Dutch

95) Frogs

96) Space Frog

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97) The band Spacehog and its 1996 hit "In the Meantime"

99) The year 1996

100) Your high school prom date

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101) Y2K

102) YKK

103) The rapper YG

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104) Zippers

105) Zipper manufacturers

106) Bangladesh

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107) Natural disasters

108) Your outfit choice for the evening

109) Local food

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110) Kyle Wagner's outfit choice for the evening

111) Family heirlooms

112) Strange addictions

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113) 9/11 theories

114) Global warming

115) The TV Show Alf

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116) How Alf ate cats

117) Literally, cats

118) Whether Harry and the Hendersons was superior to Alf

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119) Turner and Hooch

120) Tom Hanks' hair

121) Tom Hanks' facial hair

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122) Tom Hanks versus a bear

123) The shutdown of the Space Shuttle program

124) The movie Gravity

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125) Bears

126) Bears playing tetherball

127) Bears playing basketball

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128) Kanye West

129) The artistic merits of the Yeezus tour

130) The return of Kanye West's fish sticks character on South Park

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131) Manti Teo

133) The 1990s-era Dallas Cowboys

134) Jerry Jones

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135) Plastic surgery

136) Types of wine

137) Sushi

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138) Feminism

139) Betty Friedan's Feminine Mystique

140) All the books you didn't actually read in college

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141) How most people lie when they say they've read Infinite Jest

142) Beyonce's new secret album

143) Beyonce's inevitable presidential run

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144) Beyonce's month of veganism

145) Veganism: why?

146) Crossfit: why?

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147) The Paleo Diet: Why?

148) Train etiquette

149) Concerts you attended this year

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150) Ultrabooks

151) 3D printing

152) The world's largest pizza

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153) Irrational fears

154) Cities you haven't visited

155) Why they should bring back the Concorde

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156) The cost of fuel

157) Future and Ciara's engagement

158) Blood diamonds

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159) Leonardo DiCaprio: why is he always squinting?

160) Gucci iPad cases

161) Clown cars

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162) How you took a semester of French your sophomore year of college for some reason

163) The SEC Championship game

164) Navajo code talkers

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165) The BCS bowl picks

166) Hitler

167) Favorite holidays

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168) The end of the Auburn/Alabama game

169) What the hell is a War Eagle anyway?

170) The ridiculousness of NCAA recruiting

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171) Your New Years Resolutions

172) Joint resolutions

173) Secession

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174) The inevitable return of a McRib

175) The Hunger Games

176) Twerking

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177) Da dip

178) Rick James

179) Dave Chapelle as Rick James

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180) The merits of David LaChapelle as a choreographer

181) Sensitivity training

182) The best game of tag you ever played

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183) Anchorman 2: why?

184) Sequels: why?

185) Why you're *over* will ferrell

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186) The run in your hose

187) Gardening

188) Your hobbies

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189) The best episode of Seinfeld

190) Electric cars

191) Steve Wozniak

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192) Trinidad James

193) Jamaican dance hall queens

194) Spring Breakers

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195) The Maury Povich Show

196) Yahoo!'s purchase of Tumblr

197) David Karp's drones

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198) Celebrities that look like potatoes

199) Root vegetables

200) Urban farming

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201) 1997 Oscar nominees

202) The Illuminati and why it's real

203) Record labels

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204) Carl Jung

205) Your recurring dreams

206) Zombies

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207) Why you think mid-90s SNL was the best era of SNL

208) Mistletoe

209) Toe rings

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210) Public swimming pools as a breeding ground for disease

211) Will SARs come back

212) Cures for cancer

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213) Cures for hangovers

214) Old wives' tales

215) Tall Tales

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216) Jim Bowie

217) David Bowie

218) Bowie knives

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219) Bows hunting

220) Duck hunting

221) Rollercoasters

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222) The Sims

223) Sim City

224) Your first computer

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225) Your first love

226) OJ Simpson

227) Colored contacts

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228) The best SPF

229) Tom Brokaw

230) Brokeback Mountain

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231) The difference between a bowler hat and a pork pie hat

232) Porky's

233) Weekend at Bernie's

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234) The truffle shuffle

235) Childhood memories of fear

236) How many times you've been in love

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237) Agoraphobia

238) Your favorite flavor of ice cream

239) Interoffice relationships

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240) Your parents

241) Why you have a real Christmas tree and not a fake one

242) Douglas Firs

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243) Frasier Firs

244) Balsam Firs

245) Christmas tree farms

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246) Christmas tree stands

247) Plastics making things possible

248) Accidental inventions

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249) Post-it notes

250) Craft beer

251) Craft whiskey

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252) Crafts

253) Basketball season

254) Tom Ford

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255) Jay-Z

256) Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

257) Opinions on gluten

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258) Cat videos

259) What does a Pantone taste like

260) Gaddafi's hat

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261) Famous hats in history

262) Why the liquor store by your house recently turned into a haberdasher

263) The word haberdasher and its etymology

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263) The legalization of marijuana in Colorado

264) Medicinal marijuana

265) Countries where it's okay not to tip

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266) Reality TV

267) Why it's a shame the third season of Teen Mom was cancelled

268) But why the second season is more popular

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269) Flavor of Love: where are they now?

270) Flava Flav: where is he now

271) Beyonce, again

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273) Rob Ford, again

274) What you think Lil Jon is doing right this second

275) What you think Fat Joe is doing right this second

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276) What you think Twista is doing right this second

277) Usher's appearance on sesame street to sing the alphabet

278) Songs that prominently feature the word yeah, including Yeah!

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279) Bee keeping as a hobby

280) Jerry Seinfeld's role in Bee Movie

281) Bea Arthur

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282) Chester Arthur

283) Arthur Miller

284) Arthur Ashe

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285) Tennis

286) Blackjack

287) Stock photography

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288) Childhood trauma

289) Fruit baskets

290) How Edible Arrangements are a nice way of saying you dislike someone

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291) The proper way to fold a hospital corner

292) Ghosts: do they exist?

293) Teapartiers

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294) Bro coders

295) Fraternity parties

296) John Waters

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297) Famous character actors

298) Sporks

299) Hare Krishnas

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300) The prophet Muhammad

301) Domesticated foxes

302) What a holllaback girl is

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303) Will Outkast reunite?

304) Hostile takeovers

305) Wolf Blitzer

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306) Sick burns

307) The Treaty of Paris 1763

308) The Treaty of Paris 1783

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309) Common household cleaning products

310) The First Continental Congress

311) The Second Continental Congress

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312) The Berlin Conference

313) The fall of the Iron Curtain

314) Britney Spears' Las Vegas residency

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315) Musical theater

316) Goddard

317) Waiting to Exhale

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318) Who in the office you would want to keep around in a post-apocalyptic society

319) Tabasco sauce or Sriracha?

320) How Survivor is still a show on TV

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321) Types of caviar

322) Thomas Edison

323) Zara work pants

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324) Rompers

325) How many Hard Rock Cafes there are in North America

326) Marbury v. Madison

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327) Cocktail weenies

328) Safe sex

329) The name for the things on the end of your shoelaces

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330) Katy Perry

331) Rihanna's video for "Pour it Up"

332) Strippers

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334) 1950s Las Vegas

335) Chevy Chase

336) How Christmas Vacation is the best of the Vacation canon

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337) Baseball

338) Staph infections

339) Which National Parks you've visited

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340) Cultural determinism

341) Your last breakup

342) How long you can hold your breath

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343) FDR's fireside chats

344) Homelessness

345) The singularity

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346) 3D movies

347) What it sounds like if you play "Stairway to Heaven" backwards

348) Duck penises

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349) Who would win in a fight: Paul Ryan or Joe Biden?

350) Your first car

351) Time travel

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352) House music

353) The fall of the Berlin wall

354) How to make a simple shank from a spoon

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355) How to master the Tootsie Roll

356) How to master the Roger Rabbit

357) Bronies

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358) Types of Swiss cheese

359) The Big Bang

360) Zack Morris's brick phone

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361) Your SAT score

362) The lost colony of Roanoke

Image credit: Shutterstock/MJTH