Motorized Monocycle Eliminates Need for Pedals, Humility

This monocycle from rich man's playground catalogue Hammacher Schlemmer is a few phalluses short of a South Park episode, but I think even Mrs. Garrison would appreciate the fact that this 1869 throwback is now available at retail for a modest $12,999.95. And the best part? The wealthy sops whipping around the Hamptons on this thing won't even have to pedal, as this monocycle boasts a 31cc 1 1/2 horsepower engine. The lawnmower-esque four-stroke maxes out at modest 25 MPH but Hammacher promises its monocycle can still comfortably navigate on anything from pavement to grass to the backs of the common man. [Hammacher Schlemmer product page]