Robot Lawn Mower Can Lacerate, Probably Eat HumansS

LawnBott, the $2,750 robot which announced itself as your loyal automated lawn mower—capable of cutting 33,000 square feet of grass in a single charge—has revealed its true face: it wants to cut humans to pieces. Actually, just stupid humans, but the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission and Kyodo America have decided to "recall them immediately."

Apparently, one of the owners lifted the mower from the ground while it was still on and "suffered minor lacerations from the moving blade." Yet another case of stupid humans trying to win the Darwin Award. Fortunately for him, nothing serious happened, but the US CPSC and the company have decided to recall models LB2000, LB2100, LB3000, and LB3200 because "the cutting blades continue to rotate when the mower is lifted from the ground and the spacing on the side of the lawn mower could allow room for a consumer's foot to go beyond the shield and be struck by the blade" which "pose a serious laceration hazard to stupid lawn bozos consumers."

We like to think that, tired of being lifted from the ground by a moron while still doing its job, the robot decided to attack at once and eliminate him from the genetic pool, therefore improving Humanity. Really, give the damn thing a medal and a case of Olde Fortran.

CPSC, Kyodo America Recall LawnBott Lawn Mowers Due to Laceration Hazard

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, in cooperation with the firm named below, today announced a voluntary recall of the following consumer product. Consumers should stop using recalled products immediately unless otherwise instructed.
Name of Product: LawnBott Lawn Mowers

Units: About 530

Importer: Kyodo America Industries Co. LTD., of Lawrenceville, Ga.

Manufacturer: Zucchetti Centro Sistemi S.p.A., of Italy

Hazard: The cutting blades continue to rotate when the mower is lifted from the ground and the spacing on the side of the lawn mower could allow room for a consumer's foot to go beyond the shield and be struck by the blade. Both instances pose a serious laceration hazard to consumers.

Incidents/Injuries: Kyodo America has received one report of a consumer lifting the mower from the ground and suffered minor lacerations from the moving blade.

Description: This recall involves LawnBott lawn mowers with model numbers LB2000, LB2100, LB3000, and LB3200. The robotic lawn mowers freely and automatically cut grass by detecting the signal of a perimeter cable. The mowers have a docking station for recharging and a shiny plastic cover sold in red, green or blue. "Evolution" or "deluxe" is printed on the side of the mower.

Sold by: Kyodo America dealers nationwide from January 2006 through December 2007 for between $1,750 and $2,750.

Manufactured in: Italy

Remedy: Consumers should stop using the recalled LawnBott lawn mowers immediately and contact Kyodo America to register their lawn mowers for repairs that will be ready by the end of June. Consumers who have registered their mower with Kyodo America have been sent direct notification by mail.

Consumer Contact: For more information, contact Kyodo America at (877) 465-9636 between 8 a.m. and 4:30 p.m. CT Monday through Friday, or visit the firm's Web site at www.lawnbott.com

[CPSC—Thanks Steve!]