Does "climbing" up to the shoes count as one step?
Maybe these can be useful to count how many times she's stepped in the man's "parts" in those masochistic sex rituals.

"Frak-me shoes"...LOL, Addy you crack me up.

No matter how many flights of stairs you do, those shoes will still be ugly.

Fashion fail.

Oh yes. I totally want to know my steps while wearing shoes that destroy my back. You know, gotta find a healthy excuse for the unhealthy results.

Womens shoes do send a message, not that men notice. I can tell you from the shoes she is wearing on a date if she is planning on fracking you or not.

If he was say... thrusting hard, would this machine count it?

If so, its a great way to emasculate him, "A 28? Mike, I told you to think about baseball."

It's obviously a scheme to rid the world of stupid women.

I mean. THOSE on STAIRS.

I can barely walk flat land in heels like that.

@Darrone and HugoSantos: Yeah, these shoes may be counting something, but I don't think it's stairs.

@Curves: Well, some men notice. And then again, some men are a little too into noticing.

So if your girls is overweight you can check her boots to see if she walked enough, and if not, send her back out to walk some more?

I also see a good application for pimps to make sure their hoes are walking the streetcorner.

Not even a LITTLE climbing?

@Curves: Do tell: What do women consider to be "frack me" shoes?

@Addy: If a guy has a girl that has boots like these, that guy is probably a pimp, and she is likely a lady of the night. Granted, I am in a an area, geographically, that is less progressive than some big cities, but seriously, do any of you ladies here on Giz own a pair of boots like these? And if you do, where the hell do you wear them?

@Curves: How about a quiz? What do the following shoes tell a guy?

Birkenstocks:
Pennyloafers
shiny high heels:
Used Army boots:
Mary Janes:
Jellies (yeah I know):
Light up Keds:
Sambas:
Doc. Martins:

I am interested in what a person can expect from the above shoes adorning the foot of a woman on a date.

With these shoes it should be a ratio of sorts. Steps climbed successfully over steps failed.

@zenpoet:

Birkenstocks: She's either lesbian or into hippies, jambands and weed -- if you've got weed and Phish CD, you're probably in
Pennyloafers: She's an English senior citizen, tell her to do it for England, and you're probably in
shiny high heels: If you've got a little cocaine, you're in.
Used Army boots: She's definitely lesbo -- ur sister's probably in
Mary Janes: She's young and trendy, impress her with tales of world travel and let her rattle off stories about her sorority, and you're probably in
Jellies (yeah I know): You've time-warped back to 1987. Play her some Poison and if you've got some Cocaine you're probably in.
Light up Keds: She's 10 you pederast!
Sambas: Invite her soccer player friends over and have lots of cheap booze on hand -- you're probably in with all them -- or at least they'll let you watch.
Doc. Martins: Talk about how Kurt Cobain was seminal in your musical development. You're probably in.

@zenpoet: I really don't intend this as an insult...but my immediate reaction to that shoe list is that you probably aren't going on a date with a GUY.
...Although the shiny high heels would be the only ones to suggest you had any plans with said date....

And my wife has some boots similar to these (sans counter) that she wears when we go out on our date nights and she wants to not look like a mommy.

@zenpoet: Geekynerdguy pretty much nailed it, of course, depends on the date destination as well (ie-walk in park not condusive to FMPs).

I know I went out Saturday wearing a pair of strappy, sling back, open toes with a 4" heel and Mr Date got the message loud and clear....

You should see their line of bounce counter bras.

@SgtMac02: Alright, how about

Manolo Blahnik:
Moccasins:
Pointe:
Clogs:
or anything purchased at TJ Maxx:

I really know nothing about shoes, but always tried to compliment dates on their shoes. And earrings.

Yeah, I am that guy.

do strippers take the stairs?

Fug. This trend needs to die, and soon. That way I can see all these shoes everyone spent an arm and a leg on at Goodwill and have a nice selection for a witch costume for Halloween...

@Curves: I'm pretty sure that women don't send these subtle hints everytime

@zenpoet:

Manolo Blahnik: If you can handle the ride it'll be worth it.

Moccasins: Comfort is key, be prepared for 2 parts cuddle time and 2 part sitting in the park time for 1 part business time.

Pointe: See light up keds. (Or if it's a professional dancer and she's wearing them on a date, she's not interested in anything except work. Which will make her a great dancer, but not a good date.)

Clogs: Do you care if the person you date cares about hair, makeup, style, well-fitted clothes, general personal appearance? If so, move along. There's nothing to see here.

or anything purchased at TJ Maxx: Too broad. All this tells you is that she is wise with money. How she chooses to spend that money at TJ Maxx is the key.

Stabilizers? Me. And my hands on your hips.

That's right.

They need a "frack-Me" counter...and need to be in red.

@zenpoet:

Manolo Blahnik: You can't afford her
Moccasins: She's not interested
Pointe: She's not interested
Clogs: She's not interested
or anything purchased at TJ Maxx: Buy her some Manolo Blahniks, and you're guaranteed to score

I also bet these are far more expensive than MY fuck-me-senseless shoes. HOWEVER

mine do not even begin to give the illusion that you can climb stairs. Escalators, maybe. Stairs = PERSONAL INJURY

They should count the number of pumps...

@GeekyNerdGuy: +2 for the shoe breakdown. Very witty.

@GeekyNerdGuy: What, no drugs or booze for the 10yr old? You really threw us a curve there, I was sure that a pattern had emerged.

@MFlick: "do strippers take the stairs?"

Unless their flop's on the 1st floor. You did you mean "hookers?" Strippers use the pole.

Ok on the real.... This is the new line of shoes for the FIT and FORMAL HOOKER ON THE GO. For the PIMP that wants to make sure that she walked the 7 miles and made the amount of money that HE needs to make sure that per mile she should have X amount of dollars.

COME ON PEOPLE this is all that these are. who in their right mind is wearing these around ( esp at work) thinking hmmmm my feet hurt but wow i have done 3 miles ohhh sooooo nice.

@GeekyNerdGuy: +1 Nicely said my friend. "Your probably in." :)

@zenpoet:

Manolo Blahnik-You're banging a girl from 'Sex And The City'-stay.
Moccasins-You're banging someone from the cast of 'Pocahontas'-your call.
Pointe-You're banging Amy Winehouse-RUN (and de-louse yourself,while you're at it!)
Clogs-You're...banging the Swedish Chef? (try not to drink as much next time)
and anything from TJ Maxx-Safe bet.

@GeekyNerdGuy, 92BuickLeSabre,and FiveLiters: great break down! Where I not married, I would use this information for nefarious means!

@GeekyNerdGuy: for the light up Keds I was thinking more Club Chick on X, but I guess each and to their own!

@Curves:

Holy hell, I think I'm a failure as a woman. I didn't now I was supposed to do that.

Mind you, I just found out about a month ago that we're supposed to worry about clothing clashing with our eyes. Why?!

Can I get one of these stair counters for my roller skates?

@zenpoet:
shiny high heels: she goes home alone or I won't call her back
Birkenstocks: ear plugs recommended, better spread out toilet paper around the rim before sitting down; mind and body are definitely two different entities; but, heck, this is just the extreme part of the spectrum, the rest might be nice. Birkenstocks, if worn out of purely pragmatic reasons, are acutally simply nice and comfortable nice shoes.
Pennyloafers: nice
Used Army boots: she'll probably go home alone
Mary Janes: what's that?
Jellies (yeah I know): dto.
Light up Keds: I imagine that are those jogging shoes that light up when weight is put on the heel? Need I say that I am not pedophile not into nuts (in either connotation of the word)
Sambas: I am not quite sure what those are, but they sound oK
Doc. Martins: might be not so bad, but don't let her kick you; avoid for long time relationships, because eventually, every weapon is there to be used

@zenpoet: and whatever happened to jogging shoes, ballerinas and those slightly outdoorsy imitations (the latter of which are quite fashionable currently, at least in Portugal, and I still don't have any statistical data on them, but women wearing comfortable shoes can never be that bad).

On another note: some women insist they are not wearing high heels to appeal to men, but as sort of a female equivalent to the stripes on an army uniform. Anyway, I'll keep away or just wham-bang-thank-you-m'am material. Might as well fall in love with an inflatable sex doll.

@zenpoet: compliment is just kissing up. Making fun about is better. I mean, how can someone in their right minds possibly wear such an insane contraption as shown in the photo. Must be a deadly combination of inferiority complex and masochism. As I said, might be fun to do the eight-legged beast with, but beware of conversation.

@Curves: Well, but if the intended message is, shut up and fuck, that's ok, as long as everybody involved is cool with it:-P And no gym-shaped boyfriend in sight to defend the honour of the lady.

A pair of the fuckiest fuck-me booties [...]

If the term is good enough for the article (and it is), it's good enough for the article title.

@yogibimbi: Actually, I wear hot shoes (or not hot ones) for whatever mood I am in, or whatever I am doing and it really has nothing to do with who I am with.

Please do not worry there is not a gym-shaped boyfriend (I dont care for gym rats) here to defend me, as I am more than capable of taking care of myself. Usually if someone is bothering me, I can talk to them in such a manner as to make them run away crying like little girls, and if all else fails, I can kick the shit out of them with my spike heels, but thank you for your obvious concern for my welfare.

LOL. Nice post, Addy. Frackin' hilarious.

@Curves: 'Womens shoes do send a message, not that men notice.'

And men's shoes rarely send a message, yet women seem to find one in them anyway...

@Curves: ehehe, I can read some irony from what you're saying. Well, at least so far I have never run away crying from a date and couldn't imagine why, and I am curious how someone in high heels, who can hardly walk, can be nimble enough on their feet to actually land a kick in my better defended parts (gedan-barai, anybody?). A date would be interesting (just for investigative purposes, of course), but the problem is, I am here, and you are there. Or the other way round. And maybe I am just a little bit afraid. Women with aggresive self confidence are a dangerous species. Not allowed to beat them out of chivalry but nevertheless I have to play the punching ball for their accumulated frustrations.
The funny thing about emancipation is still, that it can bend this way and that, asking for equal rights and quotas in every friggin job that is mildly attractive (except cleaning and cooking and washing which, in an emancipated household is, of course, the guy's task, as repentance for bazillions of years of male dominance) yet asking for every special right and exception under the sun if it comes to divorce settlements, adultery and pregnancy protection. But I guess I'm leaving gadget kingdom here and will be flamed in soon enough;-)

and to get back some more on the track of gadgetry: What about Sedgeway-like stabilization with a gyroscope?
And sure, gyration also has its obvious optical benefits, which is imho the sole justification for the existence of those stiletto handgrenades (I guess, @Curves: would rather beat the shit out of me with those killers or throw them at me, than get close enough to use them for kicks, since the second-best defence - after simply avoiding a fight - is running away as quick as you can), yet, wouldn't stabilization do away with this? Wouldn't stabilized stilettos just be mighty uncomfortable items of self-torture, without focusing anybody's attention on the reproductive region of their wearer while she (or sometimes he) is desperately and hip-swayingly attempting not to keel over?

Curves, thank you for being the resident female giz commenter. you rock.

Unless @The Sword Master is our resident transvestite or shape shifter we have quite a number of female commenters here. And, although I like to rant about emancipation (and am doing so again here, my apologies, after this comment, I'll take my medication and go to bed;-), I think emancipation is a) great b) slightly overrated (for every male dominator in a relationship there is a female submissor and in quite a few of those relationships every part gets what it wants and seeks, so not all is bad) and c) is being hijacked too much lately by vengeful, greedy and plain lazy sluts. But speaking about hijacking... ;-)

@MrBlahBlah: Thanks, MrB, I appreciate that. There are a number of commenters here who are female, and I notice more every day. I like to think we bring a different perspective to the gadgetry.

@yogibimbi: I have had my fair share of crappy relationships too, so I can relate. In the words of David LoPan (BTILC) "We all know the difficulties between men and women, and how seldom it works out......but.... like FOOLS we all keep trying anyway. :)

PS-I can flat out RUN in high heels. I have needed that ability on a number of occasions.

@yogibimbi: wow, it's like your entire brain just poured out onto your keyboard...

no offense men but uhm while those shoes aren't the nicest, you guys obviously don't know about shoes and women. Now you guys spend thousands of dollars a year on your gadgets why can't women have a interest? Because you say they aren't useful? Well no offense but what the hell is so useful about lets say invisble stairs and and iPhone (it's a glorified semi-basic phone, idc what you say) or many of the stupid gadgets on here? I have tons of shoes, tons and tons and shoes come in all different shapes and looks and colors and I love almost all of them. I love going out in 4-5 inch heels not b.c I want to do any of you guys b.c it makes me feel good, yes I said it. ITS FOR ME not for you so eat me. By the way THOSE shoes are ugly if I wanted to tell a man to do me I'd say it...not spend god awful amounts of money on this sad sad creature.

@carmen89: Glorified semi-basic phone?!!! I'd say it's more of a compact, versatile computer and personal media player with added phone functionality.

As for the rest of your comment, I saw that words were typed about liking shoes or something but then the woman-rant filter on my brain blocked it all out.

@GeekyNerdGuy: I can't put my lipgloss on with the iphone, so idc :D

@carmen89: Actually, you can if you get the mirror-finish case.

@GeekyNerdGuy: it's a decent portable web browser with a pretty featureless DAP and a pants phone built in.

No carmen, I don't think that the shoes a woman wears are in any way for my benefit and I'd be surprised if many men do - we never notice the damned things, how could they be for our benefit?