Gizmodo
I understand that there are many people out there who can't face the day without a cup of coffee. Hell, I'm guzzling a black coffee down as I write this. However, I draw the line at having an emotional, "intimate" experience with my delicious bean-based beverage—the kind of experience that the HeartBeans grinder promises to deliver. According to the project page, HeartBeans utilizes a motor inside a mahogany shell that measures the pace of the user's beating heart. By operating in sync with the heartbeat, it is intended to "induce an experience of intimacy with the process of making coffee" while producing a different flavor with each use.
If that wasn't hilarious and/or frightening enough, the designers compare holding the device to holding a baby or a musical instrument, i.e. "very affectionately." In doing so we bring about the same closeness for the grinder as we do for the other things we care about. Hmm...baby or grinder...baby or grinder? I mean, I love my kid but this is coffee we are talking about here! All joking aside, this crazy-ass piece of equipment is only a concept, so don't expect to see it advertised at your local Starbucks anytime soon. [Nastypixel via Born Rich]
Comments
I definitely don't want to walk into Starbucks to watch people have sex with their coffee.
Is this made by a subsidiary of Pear cables?
Coffee in
Coffee out
How much more intimate do you want?
(without ruining the coffee)
I could use this LOG to beat the crap out of the person that screwing around with this and keeping me from my coffee.
(Does a heart beat without coffee?)
At first I thought that was a shoe tree.
Finally we are moving into an era of heartbeat controlled UIs. Hold on to your fucking hat.
this is why i don't drink coffee. People are now having sex with it
Can I connect it to my heart with my Pear Cables? I don't like just using one overpriced piece of crap at a time...
@nightsky: Yeah... You beat me to it.
@itchytooth:
So hookers can't make coffee with this device?
I want what they're smoking, cause that sh!t must be good.
Nightsky FTW!
@itchytooth:
Huh.. I didn't mean to quote you.
@Munch: If pear makes USB cables, it does feature a USB port.
The worst thing about this is the second video when they guy turns the machine on and is nestled up with it as it's grinding his coffee.
Dead people deserve coffee too.
"Sir, we forgot to put a flat surface on it so it can be easily set down. Should we make a stand or something?"
"What do you mean set it down? It's for holding up against your body. It's made to be held, not set down. Our consumers will love holding it so much, they will never set it down."
"But if they do, a weighted side will probably cause it to roll off the counter."
"I said they will never set it down! You're fired."
I've played various musical instruments for close to 20 years now, and I don't know that I've ever held a single one of the affectionately...well, there was that flutist, but I'll keep it PG13 in here.
Does it come with a civet?
please, for the love of God be a viral marketing campaign for... anything.
Why is that lady starring at me? And why is she holding that huge turd?
I love grinding my coffee with a giant piece of poo.
@Groggy Banana: Doh! Just beat me to it.
Guess what I have to press my juicer that runs on the rhythm of my abdominal murmurings against.
I have an AICD due to constant atrial fibrillation. Fortunately, I'm also a tea drinker or I'd have oddly ground coffee beans...
so I am guessing the more you drink...the faster your heart rate...the finer the grind? I wonder what a coke addict's grind is?
not sure but I bet you could use a razorblade to portion it out.
10 year old braun bean grinder
push the button, it works, no emotional entanglement required
i just want a thing that does what it is supposed to do, i don't want to relate to it, it's a THING, not a person
I don't know whether to laugh at the ridiculousness of it or weep for the state of humanity. A little of both, perhaps.
Just what we need: Emo Coffee.
Who wants to bet this was some chick's idea. Only a fuckin' broad needs MORE intimacy -- let alone more intimacy with COFFEE. For fuck's sake...
"I have an idea - let's take an unfussy, ubiquitous device and turn it into a monstrously conspicuous turd"
"ok"
@Geisrud: "This one time, at Band Camp?..."
Wooden turd phone
From Nastypixel's website: "It is a personal product from quality mahogany.. controlled by an apparatus that measures the pace of the beating heart (an HBM-- Heart Beat Monitor)."
I think HBM stands for Heavy Bowel Movement, 'cause that's what it looks like.
This is from the makers of those $20,000 cables right
There is so much wrong with this that I can't even pick a single joke...
I think I'm going to have to go lay down for a while and try to forget I ever saw this.
That was better then a Stanley Kubrick film... fantastic...
And a fucking USB port... this thing is way better then the Psystar... at least its upgradable...
I just watched the second video....
did anyone else get a very "zoolander" feel from it? Like they were at Axel's house after an orgy? I kept waiting to see a Tibetan midget on a tricycle...
Shit! Can midgets use this device? is there a midget version? If not Im sure they are missing out on a huge demographic...
Now excuse me... my coffee needs more ... cream. ;)
Will it blend?
I have nothing to say about the product particularly - it's just another unnecessary, over-priced product that is designed with form over functionality.
It's more the comments I'm worried about, namely the number of them making references to turd.
For a start, I have to admit I expected a bit more from Giz readers but secondly, I'm frankly more than a little scared that so many of you seem to be excreting things that are about two feet long and have a screw-top, chrome buttons and a power cable...
Whatever diet it is that you're all on, I'm glad I'm not.
That thing looks like a giant turd... as would anybody who used it.
@Guy-Fawkes: How long has "Will it blend?" been over and done with? Ummm, good one!
All the lonely people, where do they all belong..?
Right here, in line to buy a ridiculously overpriced intimacy-substitute coffee maker.
@iPhony: Well, with a coffee maker, I suppose it's a fair question.
Or should it be "will it grind?"
@Step666: Steak and Potatoes, a screw-top, chrome buttons and a power cable.
Wait a min! This is not half & half!
I'm gonna use the pictures of this in my iPhone 2 photoshop project to win the contest.
aw crap I just ruined my surprise.
Seriously though, the male version will require intimacy with body parts other than the heart - will give new meaning to "morning grind" for me and wife.
ok... BEAT THAT, JAPAN!
@iPhony: An extremely long time. It was funny the first time, maybe. But the first time was long, long ago. But there's always some clown who thinks repeating it forever means he has a sense of humor...
It's beautiful, and I'm all for more woodgrain... but damn is that thing loud. Maybe comparing it to holding an infant isn't so far off.
5 words.
What a load of crap!
@Rabid Penguin: I don't want to walk into starbucks period. The coffee is absolutely terrible it has to be the worst coffee i have ever had and i once drank the last cup out of a 20 hour old pot of coffee. Being Canadian i will stick with my Tim Hortons where i can get a coffee and pay with a toonie (2$) and still get change back. Not go to Starbucks and pay some rediculous price for a coffee that isn't good.