Apple Cancels All iPhone 3G Orders, Releases iBrick 3G

Click to viewCupertino, California (Agencies). In a surprising move that is set to stun consumers all over the world, Apple has cancelled all orders for the iPhone 3G today. People who already bought the phones will get them replaced by Apple's new wonderproduct, the iBrick 3G. "We think it's the best thing we can do for our customers worldwide," Apple CEO Steve Jobs declared in a conference call with analysts, "I mean, they won't really notice the difference after trying to activate their iPhone 3G for the billionth time, would they? WOULD THEY?"

Apple and bass fishing expert Gene Munster agreed with Jobs, saying that following the absolutely disaster of the iPhone 3G activation, this move makes complete sense. "In fact, it's absolutely brilliant," he added, "think about it. They switch the iPhone 3G for iBrick 3G, which my infallible sources tell me that it doesn't require any activation, and they end up with exactly the same functionality!" While asked about what functionality was that, Munster mumbled something about Apple's stock price skyrocketing to $651 per share by year's end before leaving in his Munstermobile.

"I'm sure some of our great customers won't get it, but really, even if it's not compatible with our stunning iPhone 3G videoconferencing kit, this product will destroy windows," VP for Worldwide Marketing and Cuddly Guy at Large Phil Schiller said during the conference call. "Get it? Brick? Windows? No? Sheeesh... come on, that was a good one!" he added, laughing out loud while his Keynote presentation showed a big "LOLZ."

According to sources, while Phil was closing the conference call, some analysts heard Steve Jobs shouting on the distance: "Some people are going to get so fired. Oh yes. OH YES! Phil? PHIL? Where's my surgeon kit?"

(Yes, in case you are seriously moronic, this is not real. It's just that I'm pissed off: I'm here in Madrid, trying to activate three iPhone 3G that my dad and my brother have managed to score today. This is the 1,254 times (combined) that we have tried to activate it since we got them about six hours ago, and still no result, even leaving our iPhone connected. Update: One has been activated.)