New Weapon Against Hippies: Wi-Fi

The town of Glastonbury is overrun with hippies, drawn there by the healing energies in the area. Which have been destroyed by the town's new Wi-Fi network, apparently making them all sick.

Wi-Fi, the hippies whine, screws with your chakra and "breaks ley lines," whatever the hell that means, making hippies sick. In response, they've deployed orgone generators (this sound like Scientology to anyone?), which can normally dispel even the bad vibes from nuclear power plants. Against Wi-Fi, however, they are apparently powerless.

For proof of the hippies' ridiculousness, the Inquirier turns to Dr. Eric de Silva, a physicist at Imperial College London, who reminds everyone that there no study has ever found evidence connecting Wi-Fi to bad health. I don't know why they talked to a physicist (wouldn't a medical doctor know better), but I mean, I'm around Wi-Fi all day, and I'm fine, I think. [Inquirer]