LeapFrog Text & Learn: A Blackberry for Those Too Young Not to Swallow a BlackberryS

You want the best for your child. And if your kid is to have a shot at being Gordon Gekko or just the next world text messaging champ, they need start early. Real early.

The LeapFrog Text & Learn puts a BlackBerry-esque device into the hands of babes three and up. Preschoolers can enjoy texting Scout (a quasi-imaginary friend) while browsing the "web." Intended to teach spelling, basic computer skills, and the layout of a QWERTY keypad, we just hope that "Scout" is every bit as asexual as his/her name implies. Because my child's first booty call will not, and I repeat, not, be from some crappy pretend friend on some crappy pretend smartphone for kids. I want a better childhood for them than I had.

No word on pricing or availability just yet.