I know that Amazon doesn't have much control over its vendors, but this "Whimsical Bow Lace Thigh-High Stockings with Lace Tops, Red" from "Leg Avenue" is certainly not what I thought it was.

Don't click on the gallery if you are offended by the display of female genitalia. Weirdo.

The product description, however, is completely correct:

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My vagina & buttocks was meticulously hand sculpted & designed to enhance each & every curve. Made of soft, life-like Futurotic material. My vagina & buttocks has 2 loving pbuttocksages for your throbbing penis. Experience vibrating, pulsating & surging sensations!

Click to viewExcept I don't know what "pbuttocksages" is. My penis is certainly not throbbing after reading this, although Futurotic almost got me there. My favorite thing, however: You can add this to your Wedding Registry. [Amazon—thanks Gus]