If Buffy, Twilight, Trueblood and the collective Anne Rice novels have taught us anything, it's that women dig vampires. To exploit the phenomenon, stay out of the sun and buy this couch.
The Coffin Couch, priced at a moderate $3,500, is the absolute most practical way to pretend that you sleep in the box of a dead man. While she'll appreciate seeing your reanimated body sleep lifelessly in its eternal non-slumber, you'll enjoy the foam and metal spring cushion that can be upholstered in purple, red, or black. Don't seduce vampire fetishists just to let your back go to shit. Invest in the quality tools necessary to complete the job.