Domino's got in touch with us to let us know that they're webcasting an announcement about their online pizza-ordering system today. So, of course, I am going to liveblog it. Suck on this, Apple! iPhones ain't got nothing on pizza.
1:00 - OK, getting ramped up. Pizza! Yeah! I'm hoping they're going to start selling pizzas with pizza stuffed into the crust. What do you guys think?
1:03 - OK, they're introducing the team. Lynn Liddle, EVP of Communications and Investor Relations is running the show. After her is Russell Weiner, who's going to drop the big announcement on us. Weiner is famous for his charisma, so get excited about that.
1:04 - Looks like this announcement is going to be about the Domino's Pizza Tracker!!!
1:05 - "Domino's is dedicated to delivering the hottest technology to our customers." Also, presumably, pizza.
1:06 - They're dropping some sales numbers. Apparently, Domino's is totally teabagging Papa John's and "The Hut." Bravo, Russell Weiner, bravo!
1:07 - OK now Warren from NPD is going through these sales numbers some more. Come on, Weiner. Get back on the horn and bring the excitement.
1:09 - Now they're about to give us a walkthrough of the new online ordering system. Apparently, you people order extra sides and beverages as well as those revolting bread bowl pastas when you order online.
1:10 - There are 10, count 'em 10 ways to get to online ordering from the home page. Just in case you're retarded and can't click the "order" button.
1:11 - The pizza builder lets you add your toppings and everything you want on a pizza and see it visually. If you want pepperoni the pepperoni shows up immediately. You can't see the sneezes from the dudes who will actually make your pizza for you on the site, unfortunately.
1:12 - It'll automatically add any coupons that are floating around the internets to your order without you needing to find codes. How deliciously convenient!
1:13 - If you're a Domino's superfan you can name various orders for quick repeat ordering later. Also, you can set up orders to be sent in the future, just in case you want to order a pizza for next Thursday right now.
1:14 - Once you place your order, the Pizza Tracker tells you exactly what's going on with your order. "Stanley" is making your pizza and tells you when it's in the oven, when it's on its way, and all the rest of the details of its harrowing journey.
1:16 - Holy shit, you can embed pizza tracker on your Facebook page so you can tell people that you're punishing your body.
1:17 - And you can order Domino's through your TiVo now! No more standing up to get to your phone for you! The future is now, my friends.
1:18 - Seriously guys, Facebook pizza tracking. How long is it going to be before the first sucker gets robbed by a guy posing as a Domino's delivery guy who found out you're waiting for a pizza on the internet?
1:19 - They're talking about how revolutionary it is that you'll be able to know the name of the guy who made your pizza. Now you'll know who to track down when you come down with a bad case of the runs when "Harvey" didn't wash his hands before making your pie.
1:20 - I want Pizza Tracker on my Xbox 360. Until then, this doesn't impress me. It's getting Twitter and Facebook, why not Pizza Tracker? Come on, Microsoft. Listen to the people. They want to order pizza in-game.
1:21 - They're rambling about the demographics of the pizza-loving public and how perfect Domino's is at targeting each and every one of them. Apparently, I fit into the "Sedentary, Chubby Blogger" demo. Gotta admit, they nailed me on that one.
1:22 - OK, it seems like the good stuff is over. Now it's on to Q&As, which I'm less interested in, so I'm just going to wrap this up. I hope you guys enjoyed my live rundown of the future of pizza ordering. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat a pasta bowl on the toilet and cry a little bit.