Loch Ness Monster Discovered On Google Earth, Expert Security Guard Declares

God bless The Sun—the most reliable, serious, and solid newspaper in the entire Commonwealth—because they have just discovered the Loch Ness monster using Google Earth. Or at least, that's what it appears to be in the photo.

According to the lighthouse of journalism and one of its experts—reader and security guard Jason Cooke, 25, of Nottingham—this is it. The real monster. Jason's scientific description leaves no room for doubt:

I couldn't believe it. It's just like the descriptions of Nessie.

But if that white thing is the Loch Ness monster, what are the blue thingies next to it? The top one seems like a giant snake. The lower one... I think the lower one may be a Loch Ness monster's monster poop. And the snake is pissed off because it hates floaters, so it's running away. For shame! [The Sun]