10 Things You Need to Know About Apple's New StuffS

Cupertino released a lot of new products today, and it was easy to miss something in the press release onslaught. To stay versed in the Tome of Apple, here are 10 things you need to know:

1. iMacs Get Next-Gen Processors
The most important upgrade to iMacs is that they'll now support Intel Core i5 and i7 processors for prices starting at $2000. You can buy a Core 2 Duo model for $800 less, but...I mean...really?

2. The iMac Is a Cheap Monitor, By Apple's Standards
A 30-inch Cinema Display will still run you $1,800 while a new 27-inch iMac starts at $1700. Oh, and now the iMac can work simply as a monitor through its mini DisplayPort, too.

3. Apple Sees the Mac Mini as a Server, Not an HTPC
Apple may have given the Mac Mini a slight spec boost and the option to load Leopard Server, but it still missing the critical feature it needs to be a competitive home theater PC—the HDMI port.

4. New Metal Remote Looks Like an iPod Design Reject
For those who couldn't stand the humiliation of using a white, plastic remote with their black-and-silver iMac, there's a remote for that.

5. Replaceable Batteries Are Dead in Apple's Entire Laptop Line
The trusty old white MacBook was holding out, battling designers' attempts to replace its swappable battery with a longer-life non-swappable version you see in every other modern Apple laptop. Today, it lost that battle.

6. Apple Still Hates Buttons, Nubs, Etc
The multitouch Magic Mouse has risen over the Mighty Mouse's corpse, and as Jesus points out, the whole no-button design is déjà vu.

7. Jobs' Polycarbonate MacBook Must Have Slipped Off His Lap
Not only is Apple keeping the white MacBook around, they've added a non-slip rubber bottom in what may be the most aggressive design change since May 16, 2006, when the model original launched.

8. Time Capsules Should Be 60% Less Frustrating
Anyone who's grown tired of the ridiculously slow experience of interfacing with the Time Capsule, know that Time Capsules have seen a tacit spec boost promising to make systems "60 percent faster than before."

9. Jonathan Ive Could Still Sell a Ketchup Popsicle to a Fanboy in White Gloves
Also of note, sales on Hanes midnight blue tees are going through the roof, and big muscles don't make you look dumb so long as you speak with an Essex-region English accent.

10. No, the Nook Is Not an Apple Product
But it's about a bajillion times closer than the Kindle.