If I show up for something on time, it's probably an accident. Some of us just weren't born with internal clocks that sync up with the rest of the world—these gifts are for people who're late for everything.
BTW, if you hate the gallery format as much as the Grinch hated Christmas, click here.
Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock: Step one to showing up on time is getting up on time, and there's simply no way to ignore the siren song Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock. The 113dB blast is almost as loud as a jet plane, and it shakes the entire bed, traumatically jolting even the utterly comatose to life. It's also simply a horrible way to wake up. $43. [Link]
Jolt Caffeinated Gum: Late people don't have time to make coffee or brush their teeth. Jolt's spearmint gum takes care of caffeine and fresh breath in seconds. Sorta. $3-$10. [Link]
Vibram FiveFingers Sprint Shoes: When all else fails—like public transit in New York City—sometimes you've just gotta sprint to where you're going. Vibram's FiveFingers shoes are the footies of choice for Google's Sergey Brin, and the center of a hippie natural running movement. Also, the hideousness should make you run even faster to wherever you're going. $80. [Link]
Tokyoflash Watches: They look awesome, but no one call tell what the hell time it is with these things. $43-$250. [Link]
Casio G-Shock Watch: Casio's G-Shock watches withstand serious abuse and drowning, so excuses like "Oh, I broke my watch" won't exactly fly. And uh, neon green's a real hard color to ignore. $110. [Link]
Hermione's Time Turner: Our fantasy gift, we're talking about the real thing, not the $50 knock off on Amazon. Turn back time, and arrive everywhere right when you're supposed to. Oh, who am I kidding? I'd still be late. Priceless (or $50 on Amazon). [Link]
I was late turning this in, so surely, there's something I missed—toss your own ideas in the comments.
All Giz Wants is our annual round-up of favorite gift ideas, including amazing attainable objects and a few far-out fantasies. We'll be popping guides catered to different interests several times per day for the next week, so keep checking back.