Ask an Expert: How To Watch Porn on Your iPhoneS

Apple's moral App Store crusade has been devastatingly and alarmingly effective, laying waste to over 5000 apps the company arbitrarily deemed objectionable. So, we asked Lux Alptraum, Editor of Fleshbot (NSFW), what's left? She calmed our nerves. (With porn.)

What Apple's been doing was widely characterized as a porn purge, but despite names like "Asian Tits" and "Boobs!", none of these apps were really porn apps, because they didn't have those three to five human parts that people seem to like so much. But no matter: If you wanted to find suggestive photos of scantily clad ladies or gents in the App Store two weeks ago, it would have been easy. Today, you're basically out of luck.

Which brings us to Lux. She edits Giz's sister hot cousin site Fleshbot, she's an iPhone user, and she knows the iPhone porn landscape better than anyone else.

So!

The Controversy

Apple's been cracking down on apps deemed "inappropriate" in the iPhone App Store. Before the purge, though, what was even available? Were there many adult iPhone apps worth downloading?

Well, it depends on how you define adult. There was definitely no nudity, but there were porn-related apps—as in, pornstars and sites had apps of their own, which had softcore promo content.

I know Burning Angel, Suicide Girls, Teagan Presley, Sunny Leone, and a bunch of others all had apps and Pink Visual—which is one of the more tech forward companies—had stuff that got shut down too. (I think theirs was the Cutest Girl app—they sent a press release after the crack down speaking out against it.)

There are also—and I don't know if these were affected by the crackdown—adult dating apps. The main one that comes to mind is GrindR, for gay men, but there's also PinpointsX (which I think is still in beta).

Ah! The "there is a willing human sex object X feet from you, right now, and he/she looks like this" apps! I think those are safe. Which is funny, because those will actually get you laid.

Ha, yes! But it's also weird, because those aren't safe for children either, and could potentially expose them to much worse than a picture of a girl in a bikini. (Not that I want them banned, because I obviously don't.)

The Alternatives

Anyway, so, apps are basically no help right now, if you're looking for naked humans. So what are our options?

The entire internet! It's actually not as dire as it seems at first. Given that mobile Safari is a relatively robust platform, a wide variety of content is pretty easily available on the iPhone. Anything that's picture based will work just fine.

The main issue comes with Flash—a lot of video sites are Flash-based. However, most sites worth their salt have iPhone compatible versions that deal with that. Because they're well aware that their consumers have a reason to want mobile porn.

Yeah, that's the question everyone always has-where are the iPhone-optimized versions of the various "tubes," or rather, which are the best?

I'm kinda loathe to promote the tubes, just because of the piracy (ed note: fair point! Pirating porn is no different than pirating a studio film, even if it's easier) but PornHub seems to have the best mobile interface. I was kinda shocked to see that XTube—the most amateur-heavy tube site—has a mobile site that's just Brazzers mobile. You can't get Xtube on your iPhone, basically—it just takes you to a pay site, which is bizarre.

Here's a list of the free stuff to get you started (NSFW!!!):
Pornhub
iPhonePornGrid
Xshare
Spankwire
Update:
iFap.to
Tube8

So what about that legit content—the pay sites?

Ask an Expert: How To Watch Porn on Your iPhoneS

Pink Visual seems to have put the most thought into mobile stuff.
they have ipinkvisualpass.com as their dedicated iPhone site
and I know they've done iPhone adult games, like iTouchHer

Here's a list of the best paid stuff to get you started (NSFW!!!):
iPinkVisual
DigitalPlayground
Brazzers
Bangbros

Now, most pay sites throw you some preview material, right? So you know what you're getting into?

Generally, yes. But it's more limited on the mobile front for obvious reasons.

I ask because I think people generally assume the mobile porn experience isn't a great one. But in a way, it's kind of the best one—I mean, your iPhone is with you at all times.

It's one handed! And super private.

And that! I'm glad you said that one. Thanks, Lux!

:::

So to sum things up, the Great App Purge of The Last Few Days is bizarre and annoying, but the best porn app of all is already installed on every iPhone in existence, and was designed by Apple. Enjoy!