The Litany of iPad Resistance

Look. The hype has gotten to all of us. You're up at some ungodly hour. You said you wouldn't buy one til the third generation, but now look at your apple.com cart. Let me talk you down; Do what's right.

Honestly, there are a lot of good and bad reasons to buy or not buy an iPad, but I figure you're reading this article because you want to be convinced to resist preordering one right now.

So, let's start: Seriously, are you dumb enough to buy a first generation iPad?*

The Price Will Drop, I Should Not Buy: Remember the iPhone cost more than this at launch. And two months later, the price plummeted. Apple said they'd be open to the same price flexibility but only if fewer people than expected buy them. If we can resist, as a team, we can get them to lower the price. Don't ruin this for the rest of us with self control.

First Gen is Always Beta, I Should Not Buy: This is crazy. You know all first generation Apple products are just the beta for the concept. You know that 1/3rd of those problems can be fixed by firmware, but the other third just can't. And the last third? Hardware defects and bugs!

It's No Laptop But Costs as Much, I Should Not Buy: This thing costs more than a cheap laptop. And it doesn't have a keyboard unless you spend an extra 70 bucks for one. It also can't play flash and it can't run programs unless Apple says you can run them.

The Competition Isn't Out, I Should Not Buy: The competition hasn't shown up for this thing yet. One word: Courier.

The Size is All Weird, I Should Not Buy: Situated right between a phone and a notebook, the iPad is too big to pocket and too small to do any work on.

You Shouldn't Be Using It Now, I Should Not Buy: All the places you've dreamed of using an iPad—the subway, waiting in meatspace lines, on the couch, in bed—are arguably the kinds of places where using technology would cause some to label you "a freak". Do you really need to fill in all the times you're not using a phone or a computer with a third device?

Typing On Screen is Gonna Be Weird, I Should Not Buy: The iPhone's keyboard works, specifically because it's so small of a device and you can span the layout with one hand or two, very easily. Actually, you can't argue it works perfectly because the error rate is still pretty high with those small buttons. But, the iPad improves on that by having a bigger screen, right? Maybe, in terms of errant clicks, but actually, reaching across the layout is somewhat awkward.

Reviews, I Should Not Buy: You should wait til reviews hit to buy this.

It's a Big iPhone, I Should Not Buy: If you have an iPhone, you already have 80% of an iPad—apps, multitouch—and more, like, a camera. And at $200 vs. over $500.

Data Plan, I Should Not Buy: Seriously, the iPad data plan is a deal: $15 for a few MB a month or $30 for unlimited. The problem is, if you already have an iPhone, how are they going to charge you another $30 for a second device? It's not like you can use both at once, man.

And More: The bezel is huge, the screen is 4:3, the name is dumb, etc, etc. There's a reason why the article 8 Things That Suck About the iPad was one of our most popular stories ever: because many of you feel the same way.

There. If you read all that and still want to buy one, there's no hope for you. You should go read this article on why you should buy one right now.

*I am a scumbag and a hypocrite. I woke up at 5:30 AM in California to buy an iPad for myself, and Lisa. 3G, 32GB.