After extensive testing, McSweeney's has declared "the Newspaper" the top e-reader. Despite using an older version of e-ink and lacking Wi-Fi connectivity, the Newspaper was lauded for the size and versatility of its screen and its fly swatting capabilities.
The Newspaper's security feature sounds particularly advanced:
The device's internal security system was chief among these attractions. We left one Newspaper on a park bench for six hours and, upon return, found it in the exact same place. Another we left in a bar after a thorough evening of testing. When we came back the next afternoon, The Newspaper remained untouched. The proprietor, incidentally, was curious why engineers would return for a day-old e-reader. We tried to explain the tests, but he gave us all dirty looks. When we tried to explain the process again, he became testy and said if we were going to bring that kind of claptrap in here, we could get the hell out. We did and went elsewhere to continue testing.
Image credit Matt Callow