Penn Jillette's Masturbating Bathtub for WomenS

Awkwardly-coiffed magician Penn Jillette is an inventor. His greatest triumph: a "hydro-therapeutic stimulator" for women with jetstreams directed to "stimulation points (e.g., the clitoris) of the female user when the female user sits in the seat." Meet the Jill-Jet.

Hey ladies, I know what you're thinking: There is nothing sexier than sitting in a giant vat of jetstreaming masturbation. That is why Penn Jillette invented the Jill-Jet.

Penn Jillette's Masturbating Bathtub for WomenS

Click to enlarge.

As the 1999 patent explains, the Jill-Jet is "a spa that includes a dedicated stream of fluid that is directed to specific sensitive areas of a female's genitalia to promote pleasurable (and perhaps climatic) genitalia stimulation and therapeutic relaxation." (He meant "climactic," right?) As far as I can tell, the Jill-Jet is not currently in production, though I imagine there's some kind of after-hours Sharper Image crowd ready to swing it.

Here's Penn's patent application, rescued from obscurity by The Atlantic's Rebecca Greenfield. [Image of Jillette via Getty]