The Pool Noodle Girlfriend, courtesy of the weirdos at Vice, is a masturbatory contraption comprised of a pool noodle, a few condoms, and a plunger. I hope your Friday night doesn't resemble this in any way.
Here's the inventor recounting his Eureka! moment:
I cut it up while I was on the can taking a shit so no one would ask me what the fuck I was doing. I was shoving a condom into this thing, and then I saw the plunger and one thing led to another. I think I was plunging the condom into the slit with the plunger and I thought, "Ahh fucking hell! I could stick this to the mirror." And that's pretty much it.
I'm gonna go drink a bunch of FourLokos and try to forget I ever saw this. [Viceland]