Why Does This Guy Have an Assault Rifle at the Apple Store?

HEY ASSHOLES, MY IPHONE SCREEN IS BROKEN AND YOU WILL GIVE ME A REPLACEMENT. Was that this gun-toting Swissmister angle? Or was he just a member of the military, allowed an open carry? What the hell is possibly going on?

Is this one of the infamous fake Chinese Apple Stores, finally being eliminated by a Cupertino hit squad? It would explain the massive guy with the SIG SG 550, and the other fellow (his partner) blankly staring with the dark shades. At a laptop. Was everyone at the Kunming shop blown away in a mist of blood and brushed aluminum?

Is this some sort of incredibly nerdy spec ops training exercise? A simulation? This would explain the strange ratio of languorous Apple Geniuses lolling about, and the fact that one of the laptops is actually a Sony VAIO with an Apple logo sticker on the back. But could they be preparing for the Jobsian nightmare scenario in this training complex?

Commander, they've taken the Boca Raton store—they're threatening to put fingerprints on the iPads.

Send in the commandos. Spare... spare no one.

But sir, the civili—

I said spare no one. Oh, and one more thing—we want the portly dunce in the sunglasses. Alive.

Or is this just a Swiss guy, as speculated by Redditors, who felt the need to carry around his enormous firearm while computer shopping? If so, screw you, Swiss guy. Your country constantly ranks among the happiest, healthiest, and most prosperous in the world. Your countrymen are beautiful. Your chocolate, rich. Do you really need to compensate with the huge guns? Leave that for us. We need something. Anything. Our markets are crashing. Rebecca Black can't capture the magic of her first single. We need something.

In all likelihood, this is probably just a viral marketing campaign for Doritos or something. [Expatch via Reddit]


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