7 Tools to Help You Go on the Best Pretend Vacation of Your LifeS

August is nearing its completion. Did you hit all your goals? Find sunshine romance? Take a dip in the pool? Roast some meat? Dance in a backyard? Chug some beers? Maybe! But a vacation? Sigh. Here's how to fake it.

7 Tools to Help You Go on the Best Pretend Vacation of Your Life

Sunlight Desk Lamp

You know what the opposite of a vacation is? Being stuck at your desk, indoors, with lots of artificial materials standing between you and the summer sun. So use the next best thing! This desk lamp will blast 1800 lumens of fake sunlight right into your face. Now you're feelin' it! Yeah! Can you smell the ocean air? $38

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7 Tools to Help You Go on the Best Pretend Vacation of Your Life

Sandbox/dp/B000BZ6LH0/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1313776264&sr=8-3">Giant Bag of Fake Sand

No ocean air? Alright fine—how about sand all over the place? Take this 50 pound (!) sack of premium quality sand, pour it all over the place, and wiggle your toes in it. Close your eyes. Ignore your vibrating cell phone. Bury it in the sand. You're at the beach in your brain. $20

7 Tools to Help You Go on the Best Pretend Vacation of Your Life

Breezee Soothing Shell Sound Machine

You've got the (fake) sun in your face, the (real) sand in your toes, and a chest full of vigor. But what's missing? The sounds of the mighty ocean. The murmurs of the tides, the roar of the waves, mothers yelling at their children to stay away from that big rock. Increase your fakeaction immersion with this sound machine. It's even shaped like a shell! $19

7 Tools to Help You Go on the Best Pretend Vacation of Your Life

Foam Hawaiian Shirt Can Koozies

What's a day at the beach without some cold beers? A slow, sober day. Drinking alone indoors is kind of sad, so why not liven it up with these adorable little Hawaiian shirt koozies? You get twelve of 'em per pack, and they come in all sorts of colors—so swap them around. You can pretend your ever-warming beer is a vacation buddy. Hey little guy! How are ya? Want a beer? Oh right, you are a beer. Now is when I drink you, friend. $10

7 Tools to Help You Go on the Best Pretend Vacation of Your Life

Realdoll

If you want something a little more stimulating than a beer can dressed in a Hawaiian shirt, how about a kinda-realistic doll you can have sex with? You don't even need the sex part. You can just do fun vacation stuff together! Sandcastles, looking for interesting beach glass, arguing over who left the keys in the car—and your Realdoll will never leave you alone on this vacation, because it's an inanimate object. $6000

7 Tools to Help You Go on the Best Pretend Vacation of Your Life

Cain & Able Bath Travel Set, Lavender

Hotel livin'! Luxury! The best part of being pampered is stealing the assorted soaps from your suite afterwards—so skip that step and just buy some tiny little hotel soaps. You can wash them, or decorate your beach cabana with them, or just smell them and wish your summer had turned out better. When a friend comes over, feel free to prominently display them—Oh, these? Those are from my vacation. $19

7 Tools to Help You Go on the Best Pretend Vacation of Your LifeS

eMagin Z800 3DVisor

Okay—enough screwing around. You really wanna ramp this faux-holiday up? You've got the sand, sounds, sex, and soap—now you need the sights. This thing probably doesn't work very well, as the underlying concept was abandoned in the 90s, but virtual reality goggles are about as close as you're going to get to seeing your vacation destination, short of an extremely vivid imagination and/or hallucinogens. Sure, it's more expensive than a real vacation, but think about it—you can look at whatever you want! I'm at the beach! Sike! I'm under the Eiffel Tower, instantly! This is the best trip of all time. $1,700

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