Haughty Chrome Toothpaste Squeezer Is the Only Way I Will Brush From Now On

For true gentlemen, the act of squeezing one's toothpaste tube by hand is a commoner's work. Peshaw! Give me this chrome Cedes toothpaste squeezer so that I may give the paste the coddling it so richly deserves!

Gaze upon the polished chrome! Feast upon its larger dimensions, perfect for "larger tubes!" Behold the silicone feet, which will hold the squeezer in place when your powerful man hands grip it tightly for that last bit of tooth-cleaning greatness!

Ahem. Anyway. Does anyone have $295 to spare so I can get one? [Park & Bond]