Once-great computer company HP wants to get out of the computer business but has no concrete plan how or when and, oh btw, also wants to sell you this computer. Sadly, it's not called the Death Rattle. It has Ethernet.
Meet the HP Compaq 8200 Elite All-in-One PC! It's got ports, and stuff. It is probably just as good as its name. It comes in many configurations, all of them featuring various flavors of Windows 7 and Intel processors, which is an excellent combination that can also be found in many other computers, some of whose manufacturers will be selling PCs next year because they aren't HP. You can pick up the base model for less than $1000.