Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Oh man, do you know what tonight is? IT'S KRAMPUSNACHT!!! Wait, you mean you've never heard of Krampusnacht? It's only the most amazing day of the holiday season.

First things first, you should read this and this. Yes, Krampusnacht is the night in which Krampus, a cloven-hoofed demon gets piss-drunk and terrorizes children who have been naughty and makes them regret ever being excited for Christmas. Guess what? YOU can become Krampus this year. Here are six tools to help. Top Image via Krampus.com

Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

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Krampus Suit

You can't just run around as your drunk self and expect to frighten anyone. And you can't expect to really embody the essence of Krampus without really stepping into his skin. You need a Krampus suit. For all intents and purposes, a mask such as this, combined with a black cape, should do just fine. $35

Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Absinthe

The best, and most traditional way, to really sell yourself as Krampus is to drink a disturbing amount of 180-proof Absinthe. The drink is traditionally consumed during Krampusnacht and not only will it get you DRUNK, you may or may not hallucinate. $90

Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Barrel

This is the first of awful things you will do to children. You will stuff them in barrels and make them cry. Seeing as it's now 2010 and there likely aren't barrels readily available in your neighborhood, you're going to need a solid one. I recommend a wood barrel for its old world feel and added splinter bonus. $195

Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Satchel (or a Timbuk2 Bag)

Know what Krampus does to kids? He swoops them up and carries them around in a Satchel. I'm not really surewhat he does with them afterwards, but if you're going to be Krampus, you're gonna have to do the same. A big Timbuktu bag should do the trick. $110

Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

Birch Switch

Krampus also delivers some corporal punishment to bratty youths. His weapon of choice is a birch switch—or multiple birch switches—which is used to apply a beatdown to the backside of children. But honestly, any bundle of tree branches will probably work. FreeImage via RKramer62

Six Tools to Help Terrorize Children During Krampusnacht

A Lawyer

Are you kidding me?! Going around your neighborhood as Krampus is a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE idea. I WAS JOKING (MOSTLY). Besides the fact that you're drunk in public while assaulting, abducting and molesting children, I doubt anyone around you will appreciate the context under wich you're masquerading around as a drunken demon. But if you actually went through with this, you better get yourself some good representation.