Facebook Timeline is finally here for the masses. Wait, you don't know how to activate it? Fret not, friend, we'll show you how to get up and running on the new Facebook so you can join in on the fun.
So this is your old boring Facebook wall/profile/whatever. Your life feels meaningless. Facebook wasn't making you miserable because it was inherently bad. It was totally because you didn't have the new Timeline view. So let's fix that. Go up to your URL bar and enter http://facebook.com/about/timeline and hit enter.
Next you'll land on Facebook's promo page for Timeline. Endure the sales pitch if you want, but chances are you're already sold, so just hit that green button at the bottom of the page that says "Get Timeline."
VOILA PRESTO SHAZAM! Timeline just appeared before your very eyes. It's gotdamn amazing, isn't it? You can feel the nihlism seeping out of your body by the second. But before your Timeline transformation is complete, you'll need to review your page and approve it by hitting "Publish Timeline" in the top right corner. Do it. You know you want to.
And there you have it. You've just changed for the better. Now go and live your new, meaning-filled life.