Everything You Need To Battle Those Terrifying Invisible Invaders: Germs

You can't see 'em, you can't smell 'em, and you certainly can't feel 'em—but you just know your body and your home is crawling with microscopic invaders who'll do everything they can to make you sick. Gerrrrrms!

Don't be a victim! We've got everything you need to fight back and eliminate those unseen menaces, so you won't ever miss another day of work or school (unless you're faking it). No need to thank us, that's what we're here for.

Everything You Need To Battle Those Terrifying Invisible Invaders: Germs

SteriPEN Freedom

That refreshing glass of H20 your waiter just delivered? Nothing more than a miniature waterpark for millions of harmful microbes. You can make sure you don't ingest the party before taking a sip with SteriPEN's purifying swizzle sticks.

The latest model, the Freedom, charges via USB port, and with just under a minute of stirring, can make up to 16 ounces of water safe to drink. The UV bulb is also good for roughly 8,000 cleanings, so you can make sure your eight glasses of water a day aren't doing more harm than good. $120

Everything You Need To Battle Those Terrifying Invisible Invaders: Germs

PorkKleen Hand Sanitizer

Carrying a bottle of Purell hand sanitizer is almost as trendy as carrying bottled water. But who wants to end up smelling like chemicals or a flowery fragrance when you can kill microscopic organisms and smell like bacon at the same time? Nobody, that's who.

Each bottle gives you 2.25 ounces of pork-scented sanitizer that will come in particularly useful before you dive into a BLT or a rack of ribs. And really, can you think of anything more clean and sanitary than a pig? $3

Everything You Need To Battle Those Terrifying Invisible Invaders: Germs

Germ Eliminating Travel Toothbrush Sanitizer

Toothpaste helps keep your pearly whites sparkling, but your toothbrush can be a cesspool of germs and bacteria. And cleverly rinsing it under hot water before brushing does nothing to solve the problem.

You need an easy way to blast it with the purifying glow of a UV light, which is made idiot-proof with this sterilizing toothbrush case that kills almost all microscopic threats in just seven minutes. You'll need to feed it a new set of AAs every once in a while, but that's a small price to pay to avoid getting sick while on the road. $30

Everything You Need To Battle Those Terrifying Invisible Invaders: Germs

Ionator HOM Spray Bottle

There's the distinct smell of snake oil in the air around Activeion's Ionator HOM spray bottle. It apparently turns regular tap water into ionized hydric acid: a not-so-toxic industrial solvent that breaks down and clings to dirt so it's easy to wipe clean.

The bottle turns H20 into OH2 through a complicated process involving electrical charges and ion exchange membranes, but the end result is a germ-killing cleaning solution that's cheap to refill. But while it's certainly safer than most industrial cleaning agents, hydric acid has been linked to acid rain, and can actually kill you if you inhale too much of it. So consider it the lesser of two evils. $180

Everything You Need To Battle Those Terrifying Invisible Invaders: Germs

Violight UV Cell Phone Sanitizer

You might not give it a second thought when you answer a call, but that cellphone you grope and poke at all day is covered in millions of tiny organisms that ready and willing to do you harm.

So before you go and mash it up next to your face, you might want to consider giving your phone an ultraviolet bath in Violight's cellphone sanitizer. Now I know that not being able to use it for five minutes while the blue glow does its thing won't be easy, but it's better than getting sick and lying in bed checking your Facebook wall while you're trying not to vomit. $50

Everything You Need To Battle Those Terrifying Invisible Invaders: Germs

Medigenic Infection Control Keyboards

With a touch-sensitive, silkscreened set of keys, these Medigenic keyboards not only remove places for microscopic organisms to hide and multiply, but they're also incredibly easy to keep clean. There's no risk of disinfectants leaking into their internal electronics.

These keyboards are already used in hospitals across the country, but just because there isn't a constant stream of coughing, hacking patients parading through your office, doesn't mean you can't benefit from a keyboard that's also easy to clean those Doritos crumbs off. $140

Everything You Need To Battle Those Terrifying Invisible Invaders: Germs

Germ Eliminating Knife Block

An easy way for germs to get inside you and run amok is through your food, so the most important place to set up your germ warfare initiative is in the kitchen.

And since your trusty blades are used on everything from fresh produce to aged meat, storing them in this UV block between uses all but guarantees you won't be transferring nasty micro-organisms to your meals. It can be set to start the cull of illness-inducing organisms as soon as you insert a knife, or automatically turn on every few hours to make sure they haven't replenished their forces. $30

Photo: Shutterstock/James Thew