Volunteers Needed to Eat Martian Space Food (in Hawaii!)

If the thought of calling volcanic rubble in Hawaii home for four months doesn't appeal to you, just wait, it gets better: you'll be eating nothing but "flour, sugar, beans, rice, olive oil, dehydrated meat and cheese." Mars needs taste-testers!

The University of Hawaii and Cornell are seeking test subjects for a study that will likely cause some extremely vicious faux-space constipation ABC News reports, pushing the human psyche and gastrointestinal tracts to their limits. If accepted, you'll be locked inside a simulated Mars base, and a spacesuit is required should you venture outside to kick rocks around or something. You'll also be required to take rigorous notes on your condition, all while executing fake Mars missions in Hawaii—if Cornell throws in some angry exes, this will play out like an MTV Gauntlet challenge plus spacesuits.

You might think it goes without saying that a space diet is a constricted diet, but humanity will need to make sure astronauts don't go absolutely fucking insane when forced to eat nothing but dried goods and olive oil for months on end. No respite. No cake. No smoothies. No sex. No friends. No sugary breakfast cereal. Would you crack? Could anyone not crack? If you're a non-smoker with "good health, between the ages of 21 and 65, with bachelor's degrees in engineering, math or appropriate sciences," give it a shot. [HI-SEAS via ABC]

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