The Academy Awards: that wonderful yearly event when we collectively celebrate the accomplishments of talented, beautiful people. They're nothing like you, and they'd never be caught hanging with you, but that doesn't mean you can't get yourself into their crew.
If you want to join the elite, you're going to do what everyone on the red carpet does every single day: fake it. Actors look charming on screen, but in real life, they're neurotic and delusional—that's how they got so famous in the first place. Pure hubris.
Once you've decked yourself out with the right gear, just play the part. Think of it as method acting. This is what you need to get your ordinary-self into some big Hollywood parties. And if anyone tries to call you out for your crappy apartment or your clunker of a car, just tell them you're keeping it real.