"The Claw" Candy and Toy Machine Is Your "Never Again" Deal of the Day

You've been humiliated for the last time. Tonight at your little county's county fair your sweet lady wanted you to win her a stuffed bunny rabbit from the big claw machine. Forget that this was once a live bunny and now it's been stuffed with pork and seafood, what your sweet lady wants, your sweet lady gets. You pop a quarter into the machine. Oh, it takes four quarters? Fine. Small price to pay for your sweet lady's happiness. The machine starts, you lower the claw onto a bunny annnnnd... it slips off.

A minor speed-bump.

Pop in another buck, drop the claw again. Almost, but not quite. And so you go again. Again. Again and again. Hours pass. Your sweet lady has, by this point, left you for a man who excels at the ring-toss and can make all of her dreams come true, but that doesn't matter now. This is bigger than her. You've maxed out two credit cards and have sold all of your worldly possessions, but still this epic piece of edible taxidermy that you never wanted in the first place eludes you. After selling a kidney and two weeks worth of sperm you decide to call it a night, but you've already hatched a plan. You sell a few pints of blood and purchase "The Claw" Candy and Toy Machine, which was a steal at $19 (plus $5 shipping). Now you can practice. You can hone your skills, sharpen them. Steel your courage and intuition. When the fair returns, a year from now, you're going to get that rabbit, and your sweet lady that was will rue the day she ever doubted you. -BR

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