Roll that spliff phatly, pack some fresh ice into the binger, and set the Volcano to "toastify." It's time for tonight's Stoner Channel. We've collected our best high-times material for the discerning pothead so sit back, relax, and pass that shit on the left, yo.
Tonight's nug of Grand Daddy Purple comes from reader Droz
Click here for more hits from the bong.
Pat Robertson Is Surprisingly Cool—About Weed, At Least
During his fifty year career as an evangelical minister, Robertson has managed to piss off just about everybody in America who isn't as white and male as he is. He's suggested that Mac-n-Cheese is "a black thing," that Hurricane Katrina was the result of abortions, and that the 2010 earthquake in Haiti was caused by a "pact with the devil." Which is why his recent endorsement of legalizing weed—of all things—is so shocking.
The owner of the Christian Broadcasting Network and regular contributor to "The 700 Club" told the New York Times Wednesday, "I really believe we should treat marijuana the way we treat beverage alcohol. I've never used marijuana and I don't intend to, but it's just one of those things that I think: this war on drugs just hasn't succeeded."
He doesn't point to any one event in his life that lead to this endorsement, but rather his general displeasure at the legal system. "It's completely out of control," Mr. Robertson said. "Prisons are being overcrowded with juvenile offenders having to do with drugs. And the penalties, the maximums, some of them could get 10 years for possession of a joint of marijuana. It makes no sense at all."
The TMNT Theme Song in Wondrous Stop Motion
Relive your childhood in 2:18.
Dolphins Make Sh*t Invaders
What now bitches? That little plan to invade dry land seems to have backfired. Nothing quite as embarrassing as getting dragged back to the ocean—where you bloody well belong—by a bunch of unarmed women and children, is it? So badass with your echolocation but WHERE ARE YOUR OPPOSABLE THUMBS, TOUGH GUYS?
Don't go sticking your bottle noses around here any more and tell those dipshit whales we'll sell them to the Japanese if they ever pull a stunt like this.
Drugs and weapons, what could possibly go wrong?
First You Think It's Just a Cowboy Playing the Harmonica—THEN OUT COME THE WHIPS
Seriously, the only way this could be any cooler is if the whips shot fireworks or if he was riding a werewolf.
Dave Chapelle on Drugs
Guess which one he prefers.
Real ball buster, that one. Teeth like my Junior-Year Prom date.
Are You a Green Gardener?
Care to show off your handiwork to the Internets? If so, we want pics of your best buds, your highest-tech setups, and your bushiest bushes. Send images—960x540 minimum but we prefer 1600x900—of your legal stashes (no High Times ripoffs please) to atarantola at Gizmodo.com and we'll feature the best at the top each night's Stoner Channel. Put "The Stoner Channel" in the subject line while you're at it.
And no, for the last time, we aren't interested in seeing your wicked meth lab setup Jerry. Stop it or we're calling the fuzz.
Image: Curtis Barnard / Shutterstock