These Narcotics Are More Legal than Weed, Cats Don't Fly for a Reason, and How to Ignore Armed RobbersS

Roll that spliff phatly, pack some fresh ice into the binger, and set the Volcano to "toastify." It's time for tonight's Stoner Channel. We've collected our best high-times material for the discerning pothead so sit back, relax, and pass that shit on the left, yo.

Tonight's forearm's worth was submitted by an anonymous reader

Click here for more hits from the bong.

How to Post to Facebook While Performing a Switch Back

That guy from Ride of the Century what stood backwards on his speeding motorbike and updated his Facebook page also was wearing a helmet cam. Here's what that insanity looked like from his point of view.

These Narcotics Are More Legal than Weed, Cats Don't Fly for a Reason, and How to Ignore Armed RobbersS

How Are These Drugs Are More Legal than Weed?

The Controlled Substances Act is a joke—I mean it has to be, right? How else would Cocaine, Ketamine, steroids, Oxycontin, PCP, Meth, and Morphine all be considered less dangerous than weed?

The Controlled Substances Act was designed to unite all existing Federal drug laws and was ratified by President Richard Nixon in 1970, establishing a five-tiered hierarchy of drugs known as schedules. Tobacco and alcohol, the two most widely used drugs in America, were exempted from this oversight. It was originally created as a means of reforming and liberalizing drug laws but was amended into a punitive system during the War on Drugs and following decades.

Drugs are added and removed from the schedules either by the DEA and FDA or via an act of Congress, as was the case with GHB. The agencies use a varying scale for assigning various drugs to each schedule.

For example, Schedule I drugs, the most tightly controlled with the largest penalties, must meet these requirements,

(A) The drug or other substance has a high potential for abuse.
(B) The drug or other substance has no currently accepted medical use in treatment in the United States.
(C) There is a lack of accepted safety for use of the drug or other substance under medical supervision.

while Schedule II drugs must meet these,

(A) The drug or other substances have a high potential for abuse
(B) The drug or other substances have currently accepted medical use in treatment in the United States, or currently accepted medical use with severe restrictions
(C) Abuse of the drug or other substances may lead to severe psychological or physical dependence.

The requirements get more and more lenient until you reach Schedule V which controls non-addictive cough suppressants. A currently-accepted medical use appears to be the most important of the three requirements. Cocaine is on Schedule II because it is occasionally used as a topical analgesic—even PCP made it on due to its use in the 1950's as an anesthetic. However, since weed has no currently-approved medical use (at least by the Feds), it gets the harsher penalty—which becomes an automatic life-sentence if you sell enough. That's like distributing Breaking Bad amounts of Meth and getting the same penalty for moving Half-Baked amounts of weed. [Controlled Substances Act wiki, Controlled Substances Act, DEA - Image: Tatiana Popova/Shutterstock.com]

Hash Bean Enters a Russian Hit Contest

No, he didn't have to feed journalists radioactive sushi or anything, just clear a 1.6 gram bong load in one go. Thanks Creamed Corn

Watch the Saddest Robbery Attempt Ever Caught on a Security Camera

This is hilariously pitiful. An armed robber stormed a bar and demanded everyone give him their money. Usually, everyone freaks out and hands over everything they have. Not in this case. At this bar in Rotterdam, everyone ignored the robber and kept drinking.

The Best Possible Outcome in Your Search for Weed

The stoner's wet dream for a wicked cool jacket? That's a tough one but, depending on the jacket's awesomeness quotient, I'd have to say a pretty fair trade.

This Is Why You Can't Use a Cat as a Quadrotor

We all know the awesomeness of quadrotors knows no bounds. But using your taxidermied cat as the body of said quadrotor? Unfortunately for the world, this grand experiment has not yet reached its full potential.

I'm Too Old For This Shit

Turns out just about everybody else is too.

These Narcotics Are More Legal than Weed, Cats Don't Fly for a Reason, and How to Ignore Armed RobbersS

Are You a Green Gardener?

Care to show off your handiwork to the Internets? If so, we want pics of your best buds, your highest-tech setups, and your bushiest bushes. Send images—960x540 minimum but we prefer 1600x900—of your legal stashes (no High Times ripoffs please) to atarantola at Gizmodo.com and we'll feature the best at the top each night's Stoner Channel. Put "The Stoner Channel" in the subject line while you're at it.

And no, for the last time, we aren't interested in seeing your wicked meth lab setup Jerry. Stop it or we're calling the fuzz.

Image: Curtis Barnard / Shutterstock