This is a really sad story—the tragic existence of Kate Upton. You see, Kate is so poor that she can't afford any clothing except one tiny bikini. Day after day, Kate wanders through the beach, lying down on the sand, with nothing to eat except the occasional raw lobster, which she hunts with her bare hands.

But don't worry, my fellow human beings! This story has a happy ending. Kate is soon going to be out of this terrible situation: she now makes ads for DirecTV, right on the beach, with her only tiny bikini. I'm sure that, the next time we see her, she would be wearing other clothes. Perhaps a Speedo swimsuit! I hope so.

Good luck, Kate! Life is hard, but you have all our support.