If you went back in time with all the knowledge you have now but none of the habits, what utensil would you invent to eat with? Is the fork, a tiny and instinctive spear, the ideal utensil? Or is the chopstick, a dexterous extension of your fingers, the winner? Which makes the most sense?
Ignore the spoon for the sake of this argument because well, I fucking hate the spoon. And I would really hate it if the spoon won my made up one-utensil-to-rule-them-all argument. Every culture has some sort of spoon, soup spoon, normal spoon, ramen spoon, whatever, it's played out. There's no imagination behind it. Plus, the spoon is easily the weeniest of utensils. Fuck the spoon.
The fork has to be the winner, right? It's dead simple to use to the point that there's absolutely no learning curve. You poke, you eat. You scoop, you eat. Hell, it can scoop non-liquid food with 99% of the efficiency of the stupid spoon while still being able to stab a piece of meat better than any utensil. The only limitation of the fork you could convince me on is that they're not as effective when it comes to noodle-based dishes like ramen or pho. And sushi. Oh, sushi. Dammit we still need chopsticks.
That's why the chork, as awful as it is—and mind you, it's more of an abomination than a spork—has a place in this world. That's why the chork, instead of pandas, could be used to maintain US/China relations. That's why the chork—a freaking chork!—would be the first utensil that we should invent if we were to go back in time.
The chork is a disposable utensil that starts off as an elongated fork but can be ripped apart and flipped around to be chopsticks or can be just kept together to act as cheater chopsticks for people who aren't skilled with their fingers. It covers every base, every age, every food, every skill level. It is amazing and it's not a fucking spoon. $4 for a 12-pack, $6 for a 24-pack. [The Chork via @adampash]