You Can Buy All of Washington State's Liquor Stores Online for $4.5 Million Right NowS

Washington State used to be one those horrible ABC booze states—where JOHNNY GOVERNMENT runs all the liquor stores. Not anymore! The state's loss is your gain: every single shop is being auctioned off right now. Buy them all!

For those who aren't familiar with Alcoholic Beverage Control, here's the mission statement pulled from the draconian Commonwealth of Virginia's official page of the beer police:

ABC works to ensure that adults of legal age who choose to responsibly consume alcohol can do so in a safe environment - one that operates in compliance with the laws and regulations of the Commonwealth.

ABC special agents have full police powers with a diverse range of duties - from investigating license applicants and conducting underage sale compliance checks, to enforcing criminal and ABC laws in more than 15,000 licensed establishments. Criminal activities ranging from drugs and gambling to money laundering and tax evasion are investigated and prosecuted through the court system.

ABC special agents also participate in state, local and federal investigations involving crimes such as illegal liquor manufacture and distribution, cigarette smuggling, drug distribution and more.

Man, reading all that boring law talk really makes me want to get fucked up. If you feel the same way, consider bidding on one of these ready-to-own liquor operations:

You Can Buy All of Washington State's Liquor Stores Online for $4.5 Million Right Now

Store #067 in Richland, WA isn't much to look at from outside, but it's already stocked with $128,124 worth of hooch. Alll-right! It also grossed over $3 million last year, so this seems pretty hard to screw up. Just sell people their precious swill. Sell it and keep them distracted—the brutes of Washington. Only $20,100.

You Can Buy All of Washington State's Liquor Stores Online for $4.5 Million Right Now

If your budget is a little higher, take a look at $52,600 Store #005. It's in Seattle, so, y'know, you're near the Space Needle and everything, and it also sort of looks like a barn. You could call it "The Beer Barn" or "The Liquor Barn," or "Beth's Beer Barn" if your name is Beth.

But let's not forget the main attraction: all of the stores. All of them. Every single store. You'll control a kingdom—nay, an empire—of mostly-ugly strip mall liquor stores. You'll employee hundreds, their livelihoods and collective future all pinned under your boozy fingers, sticky with Apple Pucker and money.

Need some vital stats, eager monopolist? DRINK UP:

Fiscal Year 2011 Financial Summary of State Liquor Stores

Gross Sales: $689,462,994
Net Sales: $461,535,632
Direct Expense: $363,951,144
Indirect Expense :$33,155,949
Adjustments: $232,177
Net Profit: $64,096,084
Profit Margin: 14%

Peruse your future domain, kingpin, and try to put together the $4,500,000. The next time someone asks if you want to get a drink? "Sure. Let's go to Washington State. I own literally all of the liquor stores." A+++++++ WOULD BID AGAIN. [Washington State via Yahoo!]