First! A Real, Actual History of the Dumbest Commenting Vice Ever

More than anything else, the internet commenting First! is a declaration of ownership, the unfurled flag of a Mountain Dew fueled conquistador claiming a particular post his, by virtue of getting there first, and saying it. Noted chronological-commenting historian Patton Oswalt has an excellent new documentary about the history of the trend, from the comment threads of the first cave paintings, right up to the moon landing. [Funny or Die]